Stupid and Bad Sayings

There are plenty of "sayings" that are fun, funny and descriptive. But just because something is a known saying doesn't make it "good" or worthwhile. I like descriptive ones like "picture perfect" or "like a bat out of hell". But some are just DUMB and don't make sense. Let's explore, shall we? Ok!

1. "You can't have your cake and eat it too"...Yes you can. That is the whole point of cake! (for my friend Elizabeth!)

2. "From the horse's mouth"..Horses don't talk, unless they are Anne Hathaway...she has a mouth as big as a horse.

3. "A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush"..Who the hell wants a bird??? And who wants 2 of them? They are evil!

4. "Out of the mouths of babes"....Sometimes kids just need to shut up. Saying something precocious isn't always cute.

5. "It's not whether you win or lose, its how you play the game"....Bullshit! If you were any good you'd win ;-). And no, I don't say that to the kids.

6. "It's the thought that counts"...So if your husband forgot to get you a birthday gift until the last second and then got you a pine scented air freshener from the Mobil station you are ok with that because he thought about it a little instead of not at all? I think not!

7. "Most improved player"....Not really a saying, but a "title". It means you sucked at the beginning and now you suck a little less...gee, thanks coach.

8. "There's no place like home"...Well, of course there isn't! Home is home, Whole Foods is Whole Foods, AT Loft is AT Loft and Di Pescara is Di Pescara. If lots of places were like home people would be confused all the time and not know which closet to keep their good shoes in.

9. "There are no dumb questions"...Yes, there are. "Does this smell spoiled to you?" is a dumb question. In my house, "Who threw up and didn't flush?" is a dumb question (because the answer is always The Ryder).

10. "There is always a light at the end of the tunnel"...Not necessarily. What if it's night? What if there's a power failure? What if you are so scared of tunnels you keep your eyes closed??

11. "When a door closes, a window opens"...Huh? That would lead to sky high heating costs, especially this winter. And guess what? Sometimes crap just happens...sucks. I don't appreciate people who keep trying to look on the bright side when I'm trying to be depressed or pissed off.

12. "Let sleeping dogs lie"...What if they are in the way? What if they have horrible gas and you want to shove their smelly, canine booty outside? Now, "Never wake a sleeping baby"--THAT one I believe (but mostly because one of my kids didn't ever sleep until he was 16 months old, have I mentioned that before??)

So...agree, disagree? What am I missing? Feel free to chime in...or to defend one of the above submissions. I will keep an open mind, for now. ;-)