Now, the disclaimer here is that OBVIOUSLY none of this is from my personal life. These are all based on observations of OTHERS. Being an educator, union official and mommy, I would NEVER, ever fib, embellish or
1. "Your email must have got sent to my bulk folder. I never got it, I am so sorry!" Now, this will work in extreme situations...but is clearly a lie that you can't use with family or close friends. I have heard it works in a school setting...
2. "My son is sick. Barfing all over. I am so sorry I can't make it to your candle and basket party." If someone who doesn't have kids says this to you, you can be pretty sure they are lying their ass off. So, remember, this doesn't work if you don't have kids yet. And if everyone knows that you have a kid who can barf at will, this won't work either ;-).
3. "I didn't have any cell reception so I couldn't call to invite you." Yeah right....and if that person has Verizon you KNOW they are lying. Verizon rocks. I always have reception.
4. "My sitter cancelled." This is ALWAYS a lie. I have never known this to be true...ever, in the history of the world. But it works well when needed, just don't get caught out elsewhere when you are supposed to be at the candle and basket party.
5. "My husband won't allow it." Oh PUL-LEASE! what self-respecting woman in her right mind actually says this and means it? This is only to be used when you don't want to do something and you need to blame it on someone else. However, once uttered no one can argue with you since they aren't entirely sure if your husband borders on abusive and they don't wanna get you beat up!
6. "Oh shoot...I gotta go. The kids are fighting." If you really want to be on the phone a little sibling squabble doesn't stop a real mother. You just close the door to the room they are in or give the "Mother Death Stare".
7. "No, I have never been drunk. I don't like the way it makes me feel." Now, this is a lie that MUST be told to children under legal drinking age when they ask. The watchful part of this lie is if you do not tell this lie you might be an overindulgent parent who is too intent on being friends with their kid.
8. "It's not you. It's me." Newsflash....it is NEVER me, it is always YOU!
9. "No, I can't make that meeting. I have a doctor's appointment." Really? How often do most people have dr's appointments? It is probably a manicure or a cut and color. But you can't argue with someone who SAYS they have a medical appointment. Now, if they said dentist you could argue...because that isn't ever terminal. That's why doctor's appointments are conversation stoppers.
10. "The dog has horrible gas!" Yeah, right....These are the same people who blame babies for their own gastrointestinal problems. Blaming children and defenseless animals! Just disgusting!
11. "This project took my little Sarah hours and hours to do!" Yeah, I'm sure, Mom. Your kid couldn't recreate that level of work in my classroom if I gave her 10 days, a $5000 budget and a staff of 6. Nice work, Mom. How'd you do in 4th grade the first time around?
12. "I couldn't get to the phone. I am so sorry I missed your call!" This is 2008. Caller ID means that if you miss a call you know who it was. If you WANT to call back, you will. If you don't want to call back, you say this (or #3....both work in either situation generally.)
Certain lies (or, "fibs", if you will) don't cause unending pain and hurt. The above are just little ones....now, if you said you couldn't drive a colleague to her grandmother's funeral because you had to go and serve soup to homeless people but really you had to go watch GH at a friend's house, THAT would just be wrong...on so many levels.
Lying is wrong....unless it is necessary....