Sunday, November 22, 2009

Things I Can't Stop Saying...

I get stuck on the "trendy" phrase bandwagon sometimes. I am not proud of it, because I'd like to think that I am fairly original and have a novel approach to words. But alas, I find myself saying crap and I can't stop! And then at times I find myself saying things I wish I didn't have to say...I blame my children for those utterances. You know, like when you hear yourself actually saying, "If your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too??" Here we go:

1. "Seriously?"...I can't stop this one right now. It has the right amount of sarcasm if said with raised eyebrows and it puts the offender in his/her place right quick. If I could raise ONE eyebrow then I'd be the queen of sarcastic snarkiness!

2. "Riiight?"...This is all the rage right now amongst my peers. Sometimes I make a concerted effort to NOT say it and at other times it just pops out. I especially use it in texts. It delivers the right amount of agreement and flabbergastedness (and yes, I just made that one up right now) while only using between 6 and maybe 10 text spaces (depending on how many "i's" I put in).

3. "What did I just say?"...This one is for my 6th grader who apparently has decided he only needs to adhere to directives with which he agrees. I say this to clarify my far it is working but I know my time is limited.

4. "Look at the board."...I have to say this at least 50 times a day in school. I write everything on the white board but some students just can't remember to turn their heads and look. At least I am getting paid to repeat myself in this instance. ;-)

5. "Are you kidding me?"...This one is in the same ballpark as, "Seriously" but is usually said with some remorse, disappointment or frustration. For just finagled a babysitter who can drive and stay late into the night so that you can attend a party you really want to go to. It took like 8 phone calls...then someone calls and says the party is being moved to the night that the high school has homecoming/turnabout/prom, so now you will NEVER get a sitter.

6. "I don't blame you for feeling that way"...This is usually said to various family members. Usually, I don't understand why they feel that way, I do want to blame them and I'm annoyed. But, after years of actually saying what I do think I realized that in the vein of self-preservation, I need to just shut up and validate.

7. "Can someone get that?"...Is there a real reason why no one else is capable of answering the telephone except me? I'm just asking...

8. "I don't know where your hat/shoe/phone/iPod is"...I guess I should be flattered that my kids think I know where everything they have ever touched is hiding in the house. But I don't. And usually they ask me when I am out the door, on the treadmill or extremely busy playing Bejeweled.

9. "Turn off your phone"...I know this seems odd coming from me, my Blackberry is permanently attached to me. But at least I put it on vibrate! My son's constant incoming texts can really piss a person off, especially since his text tone is a man's voice saying, "Excuse me Boss, but you have a text message!"...I can hear it in my sleep sometimes.

10. "Excuse me?"...I love saying this one to stupid people because then they are forced to repeat their stupidity. I don't like stupid people.

Or Comcast.

Or birds.

You know I couldn't get through a note without mentioning one or both of those, right?


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