Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Things I Have Been Thinking...

You know, I'm always thinking...always wondering...always pondering. And sometimes, like a string of celery between my molars, something just gets caught and I can't get rid of it. So here ya go:

1. How the heck do fax machines work? I mean, they were around before a lot of the computer stuff we are used to. So really, it is magic, right? I have always wondered this...It can not be explained.

2. When I know perfectly well who someone is and they act like they have NO FRICKING idea who I am, am I really honestly supposed to believe them? All it makes me wonder is WHY they are acting like they don't know who I am. Have they only heard bad things? Have they found everything out that they know about me by internet stalking and they are worried they will give it away? Do they have memory issues and they are embarrassed to admit it? What?? Just say something like, "Oh, sure, Amy. It is nice to see you."

3. Why in the world are so many people allergic to so many things these days? Really...it is freaky and weird. I never knew anyone who was allergic to nuts when I was a kid and now every year I have kids with horrible allergies in my classroom. It is scary. Then of course there is my allergy to stupid people...but that's not new.

4. All those people at daytime major league ball games...they are unemployed slackers, right? So, how do they afford the tickets when I can't and I actually work for a living?

5. Why do people on some of those reality shows do it? That "Toddlers and Tiara" show kills me. I have never watched a whole one...the promos are enough to make me sick. But why do those people do it?? Don't they get it that EVERYONE else in the world thinks they are insane? Do they ever watch themselves?

6. I would be embarrassed to order some of the drinks that I have heard people order in Starbuck's. I mean please, I can barely remember where I parked that early in the morning and these people have orders that consist of 15 words.

7. Why does the "early bird get the worm"? Why can't the rest of us just decide that birds are stupid and scary and evil and we'd prefer to be the "late morning bunny who noshes on a salad"?

8. I don't remember all that much about high school. It didn't make that much of an impression on me. I remember a lot more about junior high and pretty much everything about college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school. It was a lot of work, a lot of resentment and not enough freedom. I spent a lot of time worrying about what people thought and lo and behold...it turns out it didn't really matter. Hey, if it weren't for Facebook I'd never have seen most of them again, lol.

9. I hate it when I am listening to my iPod and a song comes on and I think, "Huh? I put that on my iPod?? Ewwww." Does that mean that my tastes have changed that much? Maybe downloading elves have hacked my iTunes...Oh wait, I just realized...it could be my kids! They're busted!!!

10. No one has acted too surprised about my age recently...that used to happen all the time. Damn.

That's all for now...but now that I have gotten all this off my chest I can move on to other stuff. But really, if someone can explain fax machines to me in under 100 words I will proclaim your intelligence via my status update on Facebook for an entire day. I swear. And that is a major honor!! Think about it.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Things I Never Thought I'd Say Out Loud...

This is a repost of something I wrote on Facebook last year...I read it again this morning and it made me laugh. Seriously, who has to say some of these things? Oh right, ME! And why would that be? Oh, sure...because I have children who are occasionally insane!!

1. Stop licking the dog!

2. I don't care if everyone else has a cell phone, you can't have one until you are at least 11!

3. Let me put that in my Blackberry.

4. That bartender doesn't look old enough to serve alcohol.

5. In my day Izod shirts never used to cost THAT much!

6. You have to hold your penis when you pee!

7. In this family we wear pants when we eat dinner.

8. Who barfed in this garbage can?

9. I like Jessica Simpson. (Well, this was true last year...now I just kind of feel sorry for her. I like the purses and shoes in her clothing line though.)

10. I like Barry Manilow. (And I am going to see him in concert this winter with my MOTHER, lol.)

11. My parents were right about a lot of things...especially that smoking is bad and the fact that family comes first.

12. Because I said so!! And if your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?

13. Yes, you can have fries and pudding for dinner.

14. Please don't bring the Cokes until their meals come.

15. Don't make me come down there!

16. We don't eat fries off the ground.

17. Stop reading and go to bed!

18. That music is too loud.

19. I'd rather be at work.

20. You have to learn to ride a bike, we named you Ryder. That's called irony.

Six Word Saturday...

Hosted as always by Cate at Show My Face:

My six words are...

Play it like you mean it!


My husband's band is playing a show tonight...very exciting! He has been practicing for-fricking-ever. I haven't seen him on stage in eons (yes, eons, people). I can assure you that he will be playing it like he means it...because he does!

Monday, August 17, 2009

School is Beginning!

I just love this time of year. I know what you are thinking..."Teachers have it so easy all summer. I wish I were a teacher!" Well, summer is fun, but we aren't all footloose and fancy free all summer...there is work to be done and things to do. Oh, and the fact that I have my own actual children kind of cuts into my footloose time, you know?

Anyway, I digress...

I love new books, new spirals, new folders and the bright, clean way my classroom looks before the chaos begins.
I love putting everyone's name on labels, nametags, workbooks, mailboxes and posters. I can spell them all perfectly now!
I love thinking about the families I have known for years and how the kids I have this year were so little when I had Big Brother or Big Sister...and now I get to know them! Knowing families for years is (for the most part, lol) such an honor. It is exciting to see the kids grow up and hear them say things like, "I remember that book we read in 4th grade," or, "Remember when that bee flew in the room and you smashed it with your bare hands?" (True story...I am super teacher, you know!).

I love seeing the new teachers and watching them take it all in. Some days I can not believe it has been so long since I was the newbie. It doesn't seem like that long ago, and then people ask me how long I have been in the classroom and I actually voice the words, "20 years,". Oh my...how did THAT happen??

I love setting the new routines with kids and seeing it all fall into place. When you walk into a classroom and it seems like things are running smoothly and the kids all know what they are doing, it didn't just HAPPEN. It took a lot of work and patience.

I love it when kids say, "That was math? That was fun!" Or, "When is science today? I was thinking about the experiment all night!" It means I am doing my part in making learning fun...because it can be, you know. And it should be.

I love my job, I love learning, I love being with kids. I get to laugh everyday. Not many people can say that about their job. I can say it and I mean it.

School is beginning!! Stay tuned...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Jobs That I Could Never Handle...

I love my job. And really, I consider it a career and not just a "job". I dreamed about being a teacher, I went to college specifically to be one. But, there are some horrendous jobs, things people do because they need to be done and they need to pay the bills and the cable company (I hate Comcast). "Dirty Jobs" starring Mike Rowe (who is HOT and adorable and can sing) was the first of these shows. From this show sprung the best show of all creation, "Deadliest Catch", of course. But there are lots of jobs that seem "regular", and by that I mean, not LIFE THREATENING, but they would still suck. Here are my thoughts on a few things (since you know I was going somewhere with this):

1. Waitress...Some people are very good at this and they enjoy it. I would not. Customers can be very rude! You can see the extra napkins on the server station, get them yourself! And then how about customers who are never happy. No joke, I once witnessed my grandfather (may he rest in peace, cuz he was a really good guy) send the same bowl of soup back THREE TIMES because it wasn't hot enough. Finally Tom and I told him to stop, they were gonna spit in it and then pour it over his head.

2. Mayor of anything...I have been Union President, VP and Secretary (not all at the same time, even I'm not that good) and being in charge of a small organization for about 300 people and their "laws" was enough for me. NO ONE IS EVER HAPPY and most people don't want to solve their own problems. They expect others to spoon feed them. And as you realized in #1, I don't play that.

3. Bra saleswoman...Ewwwww! And don't you guys all start going, "Hey, that would be fun!" Because it wouldn't. Hot chicks don't get bra fittings...only old flabby ladies do.

4. Cold Calling...I do not like rejection or criticism. And, I generally feel that I am right...so being hung up on over and over would really piss me off. I wouldn't last an hour.

5. Trash collector...It is very smelly. I mean, yes, we needs these people and thank goodness they will do it. But no matter how many cute stuffed animals they tether to the garbage truck, it still smells. And on a hot day it smells even worse. Some days, I feel badly what I have to leave out for them. (Although, on a side note...our trash collectors clearly do not like us. We have neighbors that put out chairs, old sinks, tvs and tons of other stuff EVERY WEEK. I have no idea where the stuff comes from, their house is smaller than ours. But two weeks ago Tom broke up the air hockey table, bundled it up neatly with rope and guess what? Yep, they left it there! WTF???? However...we hear that taping a $20 bill to said over-sized trash will help...we will see...Stay tuned.)

6. Those guys who advertise on billboards that they will clean up after floods, fires and DEATHS! Eeeeek! I'm assuming the police have these numbers to give homeowners, because I don't have it in my "rolodex". I don't think anyone does, right? That is tempting fate.

7. Porta Potty person...I can barely look at those without gagging. I have watched the service guy deal with the one on the baseball fields during recess a few times. He hoses the whole things out with some high powered hose and cleaning fluid and then it all runs out the bottom. Then he takes this HUGE suction tube and shoves it in the potty part and sucks the "stuff" up and into the tanker truck. Then onto the next one. Oy...thank goodness he is willing to do this, but I just cringe. Do you think that when he needs a restroom during the day he stops at McDonald's or uses one of his potties? I'm just sayin'...

8. Bird trainer...I will not elaborate. I don't even know if there is such a job. But I am not interested. Birds are evil, they will peck your eyes out...even if you train them not to. Don't trust them.

9. Gastrointestinal doctor of any kind....ewwww. I hope these people make a lot of money. Thank God for them. But I could never do it.

10. Flight attendant...Flying is horrific enough (Do THEY get to bring a normal size container of hand lotion or shampoo??) but to have to do it all the time? Forget about it, I could never. I don't necessarily fear crashing...I hate the recycled air, the sounds and smells of airplanes. It is awful. Couple that with having to be nice to travelers and I'd be arrested for assault inside of 30 minutes. "The light says sit down and buckle your seat belt! No, you can't have any pretzels!"

So, you may think I am unkind given my thoughts in the above selections. How can I spend my day with needy children? Easy...they are children! They are SUPPOSED to ask questions, need things, be messy and require assistance. Adults should take care of themselves. But the can't always do so...so thank goodness there are people willing to help!!

Hey, at least know my limitations.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Hosted by Cate at Show My Face, as always. Visit there for some interesting words and some great writing!

My six words for today are:

I think I'll have some champagne!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Oh, I just noticed!!

The animal post below was my 100th!! Yippee for me :-).

Things I have noticed about animals...

And now for some completely random thoughts...

I like animals for the most part. At one time in my life I had rabbits, a dog, a turtle, hermit crabs, and fish (yes, all at the same time). We are down to a dog, turtle and fewer fish now but I can't imagine having a house with NO animals in it. They are fun and cute, even though they smell sometimes and make more work for me. (And yes I do mean *me*. I was never one of those silly parents who gets a pet because she believes her kids when they say they will care for the creature! I got the animals because I wanted to.)

Anyway...here are some things I believe:

1. Birds are evil. This is a fact and I am sure some of you are not surprised by this statement by me. They are freaky looking with sharp beaks and claws. They can swoop down out of nowhere and attack you, and don't say that won't happen because it does! I have been chased at the beach by seagulls who wanted my soft pretzel. It is the source of much laughter on the part of my children, but it happened. Maybe "The Birds" was fiction...but Hitchcock got the idea somewhere.

2. Dolphins are cool. I didn't want Flipper for a pet when I was a kid. I wanted to BE Flipper. The freedom, the swiftness and the intelligence of dolphins are so interesting. My first tattoo was a dolphin on my ankle just because I think they are so beautiful. I love those stories about them "saving" swimmers...that is cool. I'm not sure if I believe them necessarily, but you don't hear about BIRDS saving lives, do you?

3. Elephants are fascinating. I love the matriarch thing...because really, moms are generally in charge anyway, right? ;-). They live in tight knit family groups and they care for each other. They are intelligent and creatures of habit. If I were ever to start a new collection (after lunchboxes, dolphin stuff and rabbit stuff, I'm done though) it would definitely be elephant stuff.

4. Dogs aren't that smart. They lick their privates, eat grass, leaves and garbage and act like they haven't seen you in 8 years when you've only been gone 15 minutes. They can be cute, but they can also bite your face off if provoked. They relieve themselves in the middle of the floor when they feel like it and they think they own your bed. Of course there is the unconditional love for the most part, that's nice. But again...not so smart because most of us aren't worthy of that.

5. Rabbits are smarter than most people think. I had rabbits for many years. They had no cages and were litter box trained. One rabbit I had came when I called her name, went up and down the stairs, would jump in my lap and nudge me to be petted...very dog-like without the smell, shedding and bed stealing.

6. I would say something about cats but I know a lot of people actually like them, and I don't want to start a whole cat debate. Suffice it to say, I am HIGHLY allergic to them, so they are not my favorite animal. Also, the whole "hide under the bed and swipe at your ankles" thing is highly suspect, in my opinion. I don't trust them. BUT, if I were a witch (which I wish I was with all my little heart) I'd have a black cat. First, I could cast a spell and get rid of my allergies and second because I think it is in the witch charter that you have to have a cauldron and a cat.

Feel free to chime in with your own observations...if you hate animals in general that's fine too, I'm sure you have observations about that!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Things I Was Thinking About in the Meeting Tonight...

1. All the stuff I still need to buy for my classroom (contact paper for the locker tags, "Welcome to 4th Grade" pencils, new fabric for the hall board).

2. Who is that woman in the corner complaining about the new special lunch online sign up??? Get a grip.

3. I shouldn't have eaten all that coffee cake...who the heck brought it? Damn, it was me!!!!

4. All the people I have to invoice for the daycare program. I need a better spreadsheet...

5. Is there more coffee cake?

6. I should update my Facebook status...it has been the same for 24 hours. "You know you have been watching too much 'Shark Week' when you are walking down the street and fear getting attacked by a Great White".

7. I wonder what the boys are doing alone at home? Probably buying inappropriate movies on On Demand.

8. I wonder what that video KrippledWarrior posted was all about...I should watch it. (And I did just now...it was funny. Was that Christina Applegate??)

9. Is there any more coffee cake? No? Ok, where are the M&M's?

10. Someone shut up that woman in the corner!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clearly I need some help focusing...I blame the coffee cake.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Nightmare last night...

Apparently, the beginning of school is looming. I had my first "school anxiety" dream last night (and I am sure the several glasses of wine at the bday party I was at didn't help...but still).

It was day 1 of school and my partner was not there. By "partner" I mean my fellow 4th grade teacher. My current partner has resigned and a new one is in the process of being hired...but in the dream the new one accused my principal of racism and quit and was suing us. (For the record, my principal is a pretty liberal, open minded person, so not sure where that is coming from). My younger son was in my class (which ain't happenin') and in the dream I was avoiding eye contact with him as I screamed at the class for continual playing of their recorders every time I turned my back. I guess in dreamland teaching the logical consequence of rogue recorder playing is to practice walking silently up and down the hall, 'cause that's what we did.

The dream ended with me passing my principal and some other administrators and saying, "I knew my 20th year wouldn't be any good. Last year's class was better!"

In my defense, I have excellent classroom management and I do not yell at kids (well my own, but that doesn't count...no one is paying me to mold their little minds). My usual school anxiety dreams revolve around me not being ready, or losing the key to my room etc...

Yikes...well, it will have to be better than the dream. Here is to year 20...you'd think I had this down by now ;-).

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Six Word Saturday...

Hosted, as always by Cate at "Show My Face" :

My six words.... Stop whining, my sympathy is waning.

Happy Weekend, everyone ;-).