Thursday, August 13, 2009

Jobs That I Could Never Handle...

I love my job. And really, I consider it a career and not just a "job". I dreamed about being a teacher, I went to college specifically to be one. But, there are some horrendous jobs, things people do because they need to be done and they need to pay the bills and the cable company (I hate Comcast). "Dirty Jobs" starring Mike Rowe (who is HOT and adorable and can sing) was the first of these shows. From this show sprung the best show of all creation, "Deadliest Catch", of course. But there are lots of jobs that seem "regular", and by that I mean, not LIFE THREATENING, but they would still suck. Here are my thoughts on a few things (since you know I was going somewhere with this):

1. Waitress...Some people are very good at this and they enjoy it. I would not. Customers can be very rude! You can see the extra napkins on the server station, get them yourself! And then how about customers who are never happy. No joke, I once witnessed my grandfather (may he rest in peace, cuz he was a really good guy) send the same bowl of soup back THREE TIMES because it wasn't hot enough. Finally Tom and I told him to stop, they were gonna spit in it and then pour it over his head.

2. Mayor of anything...I have been Union President, VP and Secretary (not all at the same time, even I'm not that good) and being in charge of a small organization for about 300 people and their "laws" was enough for me. NO ONE IS EVER HAPPY and most people don't want to solve their own problems. They expect others to spoon feed them. And as you realized in #1, I don't play that.

3. Bra saleswoman...Ewwwww! And don't you guys all start going, "Hey, that would be fun!" Because it wouldn't. Hot chicks don't get bra fittings...only old flabby ladies do.

4. Cold Calling...I do not like rejection or criticism. And, I generally feel that I am being hung up on over and over would really piss me off. I wouldn't last an hour.

5. Trash collector...It is very smelly. I mean, yes, we needs these people and thank goodness they will do it. But no matter how many cute stuffed animals they tether to the garbage truck, it still smells. And on a hot day it smells even worse. Some days, I feel badly what I have to leave out for them. (Although, on a side note...our trash collectors clearly do not like us. We have neighbors that put out chairs, old sinks, tvs and tons of other stuff EVERY WEEK. I have no idea where the stuff comes from, their house is smaller than ours. But two weeks ago Tom broke up the air hockey table, bundled it up neatly with rope and guess what? Yep, they left it there! WTF???? However...we hear that taping a $20 bill to said over-sized trash will help...we will see...Stay tuned.)

6. Those guys who advertise on billboards that they will clean up after floods, fires and DEATHS! Eeeeek! I'm assuming the police have these numbers to give homeowners, because I don't have it in my "rolodex". I don't think anyone does, right? That is tempting fate.

7. Porta Potty person...I can barely look at those without gagging. I have watched the service guy deal with the one on the baseball fields during recess a few times. He hoses the whole things out with some high powered hose and cleaning fluid and then it all runs out the bottom. Then he takes this HUGE suction tube and shoves it in the potty part and sucks the "stuff" up and into the tanker truck. Then onto the next one. Oy...thank goodness he is willing to do this, but I just cringe. Do you think that when he needs a restroom during the day he stops at McDonald's or uses one of his potties? I'm just sayin'...

8. Bird trainer...I will not elaborate. I don't even know if there is such a job. But I am not interested. Birds are evil, they will peck your eyes out...even if you train them not to. Don't trust them.

9. Gastrointestinal doctor of any kind....ewwww. I hope these people make a lot of money. Thank God for them. But I could never do it.

10. Flight attendant...Flying is horrific enough (Do THEY get to bring a normal size container of hand lotion or shampoo??) but to have to do it all the time? Forget about it, I could never. I don't necessarily fear crashing...I hate the recycled air, the sounds and smells of airplanes. It is awful. Couple that with having to be nice to travelers and I'd be arrested for assault inside of 30 minutes. "The light says sit down and buckle your seat belt! No, you can't have any pretzels!"

So, you may think I am unkind given my thoughts in the above selections. How can I spend my day with needy children? Easy...they are children! They are SUPPOSED to ask questions, need things, be messy and require assistance. Adults should take care of themselves. But the can't always do thank goodness there are people willing to help!!

Hey, at least know my limitations.


  1. I'm going to help you with #8

    #9 You and I are on the same page

    Children can do more for themselves than you think. They can be messy...but they can also clean up after their self

  2. Yea Brudda,
    But most parents don't want discipline in their children lives. And view teachers as interlopers. Damned if you don't and double damned if you do...

  3. Seriously... I wish you were my neighbor...

  4. I could never be a dentist - looking in people's mouths all days is pretty disgusting.


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