Monday, April 19, 2010

Silly Things I Enjoy...

Sometimes people do goofy things that are pointless. Sometimes people do weird things that are entertaining. Not that I judge others...oh, ok, well I do, you caught me. But for the most part I find amusement in the silliness of others, as long as it doesn't affect me. You know why, right? (Hint: Fill in the blank---It is all about __________.)

Here are some silly things I like:

1. The goofballs at the gym who circle the parking lot, and circle the parking lot, and circle the parking lot looking for a front row spot. Seriously? You are on your way to work out and you can't walk a few hundred feet? You have to stalk me as I leave the building like some giant metal panther and then take off when you deem my spot in the far corner not worthy? Sometimes I take a meandering route to my car to confuse these people and waste their time. It makes me giggle.

2. People who claim they never got my text or email when I know they did because my Blackberry tells me when things get delivered, and sometimes even read. Fibbers!!! I love it when they say, "Oh, I didn't get it" or "I had my phone off". LOL...just tell me you were too busy to answer.

3. That my mother still cuts me off when she attempts to answer the second line in her house. She has had 2 lines since I was 6 years old and she still can not do it. "Hold on, the other line. I will be right back." I usually hang on for a few seconds on the off chance she won't cut me off...but alas, the dial tone rears its silly little head. Occasionally I get annoyed, like if I was in the middle of explaining something for the third time. But usually I just chuckle and hang up and wait for her to call back. There is a certain comfort in the regularity of such things.

4. People who claim they didn't know something important when the information was sent to them via email. I love resending the email that the information was in to them. Sometimes I even highlight the part they need..and you guessed it, I giggle when I do it. Busted!!

5. Pretending to take a photo of a friend with my phone when I am really taking a photo of someone in the background who is dressed: a) inappropriately; b) sluttily; c) stupidly; or d) all of the above.

6. Watching Dancing With the Stars and hoping that Kate Gosselin falls down and breaks her nose. Maybe she'd even hit her head so hard her hair extensions would pop off. Now THAT would be hysterical!!!!

7. When someone walks into a really clear door or window because they don't see it. That cracks me up. Then they are all embarrassed...just thinking about it right now I snorted I was giggling so hard.

8. Watching someone have a meltdown in a store over something like not being able to make a return or exchange due to insufficient receipts or something like that. They usually act so self-righteous and then get all loud. Cracks me up...I mean really, we have rules, people!! Otherwise the world would go to hell in a hand basket and people would be returning rotten blueberries to Best Buy or old rugs covered in dog barf to Starbucks. We. Must. Have. Order. People!!!

9. Anything to do with vampires: books, an HBO series, you name it. Although, I really just like nice vampires. You know, the romantic ones. Go ahead and judge me. When the truth comes out and we find out they are real they will like me and they will drain you and enjoy your pain. And I will giggle!

10. Being right about dumb stuff...double space after a period? NO! I told you so! It will take an hour to get downtown. Yep! I was right! So there!! And it makes me really giddy when you admit it to me. ;-)

Those are a few entertaining things. None of them really cause any physical damage, usually. They just make me laugh. Sometimes the misfortune or miscalculation of others brightens my day.

Now that I think about it, the "seeing someone walk into a glass door/window" thing really is the best. I'm cracking up right now sitting at the computer. Tom wants to know why...Don't tell him. He already thinks I'm mean.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Things I Have Learned as I've Grown Older...or, er, um, More Mature:

I took a writing break, in case anyone noticed. I've been reading and playing games. Plus, I ran out of ideas. But lately, at work I've been feeling old again. Then one day recently it just hit me like a bird into a window on a sunny day (and isn't that the BEST sound ever??).

I'm NOT I keep telling my brother (who is 7 months younger than I am, you figure it out) I am just moving forward, which is inevitable. And sometimes, not so bad because with maturity comes wisdom...and the breakdown of body tissue, but that's another Note.

There are some things that I have gathered as truths over the decades. You may or may not agree, but if you recall from my more prolific writing time, I don't really care what you think. It. Is. All. About. Me. So, here we go...

1. Throw it away: You will not use it again, wear it again, give it away or find another need for it. If you honestly have something that makes you think, "Oh the kids might want it when they are ", YOU ARE WRONG. Seriously, for example I have every fricking cell phone I ever owned in a drawer in my house. Do the boys want some 5 pound, antenna bound, digital mess that barely fit in my purse, much less my pocket? Of course not....and now what do I do with that crap? I think it might be illegal to throw them away.

2. I have an addictive personality: TAB, soap operas, Facebook, Cafe World (which I blame for my lack of essay writing over the last 8 months). When I do something I do it BIG and all the way. So, I have to be careful what I start cuz ya never know....Meanwhile, if you bop into Cafe World, leave me a tip and send me mystery spices. I'm low on InstaThyme.

3. Less matters: A lot of the kids at work (and by kids I mean the newbies, not the actual children) get all riled up about stuff. I am at the point that I used to scoff know the point where you can say stuff like, "Back in the day," and "In the 90"s", and "It all comes back around full circle...if you stick around long enough you will see." Oy....I hate hearing myself say those things, but it is true. Things could be better, but they could be a hell of a lot worse. It takes time to be able to see the big picture.

4. I don't look that bad: Sometimes I feel bad about my weight, my fake and real syndromes and diseases or my dark roots. There is an instant cure for an hour north to Wisconsin and look around. We look great this side of the border.

5. You have to take time for yourself: The more experienced in life (lol) you are, the fewer people actually care about your well being. That may sound harsh, but it is true. People who care may be disinterested, busy playing video games or Little League, working 24/7 or even dead. So you have to take time for you. Moms who say, "I don't have time to work out, go out with a friend" etc...aren't trying hard enough. The saying "If Mommy ain't happy, no one is happy" is true. Face it, mom is the captain of the ship. If she is unhappy that ship is sunk. Make time for yourself. Whether it is an hour a day to exercise or watch General Hospital (which is getting really good this month, btw) you need to do that.

6. You can never be up to date with technology: I can try, and I do...but once you buy something, 10 minutes later some update makes it obsolete. I love my ereader. But I think I might need an iPad now. And if you are listening, be sure to tell Tom and my parents that is what I expect for my birthday.

7. Birds and Comcast are evil and they suck. Birds want to peck your eyes out and Comcast wants to steal your money. This will never change no matter how old I get. I am working on learning to accept both. Baby steps...

8. I am not a bad parent: I have seen a lot of kids and a lot of parents over 20 years of teaching...and really, I'm not that bad, so far.

9. You can't worry about everything the news tells you to worry about: Blizzards? Swine flu? Bird Flu? SARS? West Nile virus? Brain tumors from cell phones? If I worried about every single thing that showed up on the 10:00 news I'd be a mess. Now, bird flu may be serious..but at this point if it kills lots of birds first I'm ok with it. Live your life, the news is there for ratings, restaurant reviews and Tracy Butler's soap opera trivia.

10. Be thankful: Things aren't perfect but still, I choose happiness. You can be angry or bitter or pissed off...but that takes a lot of effort. Pick the thing in life that is good-your job, your kids, a hobby and focus on it. Don't focus on the one bad thing, turn it around and attend to the thing that is good. See the glass as half isn't as impossible as it seems.

I'm not Little Mary Sunshine, I'm just being practical. Life is too short to be angry all the time. So...jump in here, folks. What life lesson have you learned? Do share...Remember, I'm running low on creativity here.