Sometimes people do goofy things that are pointless. Sometimes people do weird things that are entertaining. Not that I judge others...oh, ok, well I do, you caught me. But for the most part I find amusement in the silliness of others, as long as it doesn't affect me. You know why, right? (Hint: Fill in the blank---It is all about __________.)
Here are some silly things I like:
1. The goofballs at the gym who circle the parking lot, and circle the parking lot, and circle the parking lot looking for a front row spot. Seriously? You are on your way to work out and you can't walk a few hundred feet? You have to stalk me as I leave the building like some giant metal panther and then take off when you deem my spot in the far corner not worthy? Sometimes I take a meandering route to my car to confuse these people and waste their time. It makes me giggle.
2. People who claim they never got my text or email when I know they did because my Blackberry tells me when things get delivered, and sometimes even read. Fibbers!!! I love it when they say, "Oh, I didn't get it" or "I had my phone off". LOL...just tell me you were too busy to answer.
3. That my mother still cuts me off when she attempts to answer the second line in her house. She has had 2 lines since I was 6 years old and she still can not do it. "Hold on, the other line. I will be right back." I usually hang on for a few seconds on the off chance she won't cut me off...but alas, the dial tone rears its silly little head. Occasionally I get annoyed, like if I was in the middle of explaining something for the third time. But usually I just chuckle and hang up and wait for her to call back. There is a certain comfort in the regularity of such things.
4. People who claim they didn't know something important when the information was sent to them via email. I love resending the email that the information was in to them. Sometimes I even highlight the part they need..and you guessed it, I giggle when I do it. Busted!!
5. Pretending to take a photo of a friend with my phone when I am really taking a photo of someone in the background who is dressed: a) inappropriately; b) sluttily; c) stupidly; or d) all of the above.
6. Watching Dancing With the Stars and hoping that Kate Gosselin falls down and breaks her nose. Maybe she'd even hit her head so hard her hair extensions would pop off. Now THAT would be hysterical!!!!
7. When someone walks into a really clear door or window because they don't see it. That cracks me up. Then they are all embarrassed...just thinking about it right now I snorted I was giggling so hard.
8. Watching someone have a meltdown in a store over something like not being able to make a return or exchange due to insufficient receipts or something like that. They usually act so self-righteous and then get all loud. Cracks me up...I mean really, we have rules, people!! Otherwise the world would go to hell in a hand basket and people would be returning rotten blueberries to Best Buy or old rugs covered in dog barf to Starbucks. We. Must. Have. Order. People!!!
9. Anything to do with vampires: books, an HBO series, you name it. Although, I really just like nice vampires. You know, the romantic ones. Go ahead and judge me. When the truth comes out and we find out they are real they will like me and they will drain you and enjoy your pain. And I will giggle!
10. Being right about dumb stuff...double space after a period? NO! I told you so! It will take an hour to get downtown. Yep! I was right! So there!! And it makes me really giddy when you admit it to me. ;-)
Those are a few entertaining things. None of them really cause any physical damage, usually. They just make me laugh. Sometimes the misfortune or miscalculation of others brightens my day.
Now that I think about it, the "seeing someone walk into a glass door/window" thing really is the best. I'm cracking up right now sitting at the computer. Tom wants to know why...Don't tell him. He already thinks I'm mean.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Life Is Too Short...
I think over the past decade or so I have mellowed some. Not everyone would agree with that, but I think I have, so that is all that matters. ;-) Having kids SHOULD mellow a person somewhat. I know there is plenty to worry about once you have kids, but you have to let some things go. And actually, I have come to realize the past couple of years that I am a pretty happy person. Some of it is because things are ok in my life, some of it is because I choose to let other things go. For whatever reason, I do think that you can choose to be happy for the most part. That doesn't mean that sh*t doesn't happen, or that unfortunate or unfair things don't occur. But it does mean that you can choose the way you handle those things and you can embrace the "good stuff" all the more.
So...here are some things I have found life to be too short to perseverate on:
1. Not everyone will like me. I spent a lot of time when I was younger worrying about this and trying to be "oh so perfect". While it still bothers me if someone doesn't like me or agree with me, I try to remember that they are dumb and then I move on ;-).
2. Disliking someone because they made a bad choice...People do dumb things. Life is too short for me to hold grudges against people who have not harmed me personally or intentionally. I don't have the time or energy to alienate people who wronged someone else when that someone else has forgiven them. That being said, there are some people that I just don't like. But I prefer to attribute that to good taste.
3. Changes at work...I love my job and where I work. I might not agree with everything that goes on but I'm not the boss. That doesn't mean I don't get annoyed when someone asks me to reinvent the wheel, but I have learned to move forward in a way I didn't know how to do 10 or 15 years ago.
4. Having the perfectly clean house. I have kids, and they are boys, my house won't ever be clean again.
5. Counting every calorie...If I get killed by a bear tomorrow my casket might weigh 5 pounds more than I'd like. But then again, I'll be dead so it is really the pallbearers problem, not mine. If you are in a healthy weight zone, no need to obsess.
6. Having it all...I will never be rich, I will always (hopefully) have "just enough". It is not worth thinking about what I don't have, what I can't do and what I can't afford. I could let that bother me since in the area where I live most people have "above and beyond". It used to bother me more...maybe because I am pretty happy as I mentioned above. The old saying "money can't buy happiness" is true...of course, it HELPS, but it doesn't create it ;-).
7. Flossing is a waste of time...ok, maybe not really. But I'm busy online every night trying to write entertaining little ditties for you people. I don't have time for more grooming. And yes, I may regret this later in life...but then again, life is too short to worry and I have dental insurance.
There is more of course, but that is just off the top of my head. And I am busy packing for Disney World...so, you're gettin' a short, odd numbered list this week. Life is too short for me to worry about even numbers, I am focusing on a road trip, time with my family and seeing the happiest place on Earth.
Life may be too short for some things but the key is for you to enjoy what it is, what you have and what you can do.
So...here are some things I have found life to be too short to perseverate on:
1. Not everyone will like me. I spent a lot of time when I was younger worrying about this and trying to be "oh so perfect". While it still bothers me if someone doesn't like me or agree with me, I try to remember that they are dumb and then I move on ;-).
2. Disliking someone because they made a bad choice...People do dumb things. Life is too short for me to hold grudges against people who have not harmed me personally or intentionally. I don't have the time or energy to alienate people who wronged someone else when that someone else has forgiven them. That being said, there are some people that I just don't like. But I prefer to attribute that to good taste.
3. Changes at work...I love my job and where I work. I might not agree with everything that goes on but I'm not the boss. That doesn't mean I don't get annoyed when someone asks me to reinvent the wheel, but I have learned to move forward in a way I didn't know how to do 10 or 15 years ago.
4. Having the perfectly clean house. I have kids, and they are boys, my house won't ever be clean again.
5. Counting every calorie...If I get killed by a bear tomorrow my casket might weigh 5 pounds more than I'd like. But then again, I'll be dead so it is really the pallbearers problem, not mine. If you are in a healthy weight zone, no need to obsess.
6. Having it all...I will never be rich, I will always (hopefully) have "just enough". It is not worth thinking about what I don't have, what I can't do and what I can't afford. I could let that bother me since in the area where I live most people have "above and beyond". It used to bother me more...maybe because I am pretty happy as I mentioned above. The old saying "money can't buy happiness" is true...of course, it HELPS, but it doesn't create it ;-).
7. Flossing is a waste of time...ok, maybe not really. But I'm busy online every night trying to write entertaining little ditties for you people. I don't have time for more grooming. And yes, I may regret this later in life...but then again, life is too short to worry and I have dental insurance.
There is more of course, but that is just off the top of my head. And I am busy packing for Disney World...so, you're gettin' a short, odd numbered list this week. Life is too short for me to worry about even numbers, I am focusing on a road trip, time with my family and seeing the happiest place on Earth.
Life may be too short for some things but the key is for you to enjoy what it is, what you have and what you can do.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Happy Father's Day!!
How does an ant get on the second floor of my house? Interesting.
But my original post was to be about Father's Day.
Happy Father's Day to all paternal types!
On to my husband...A fabulous dad everyday of the year! He is hands-on and laid back at the same time. He spends time with the kids, time with me and gets the yard work done. He is fun, calm, fair and loving. He is not afraid to say, "I love you". He is afraid of cantaloupe though. That however, doesn't come into play that much. ;-)
He has learned to appreciate my need to make lists over the years and I have learned to appreciate his "spur of the moment" plans. It is a good match and that is only good for the kids.
Happy Father's Day...let's barbecue some stuff!
But my original post was to be about Father's Day.
Happy Father's Day to all paternal types!
On to my husband...A fabulous dad everyday of the year! He is hands-on and laid back at the same time. He spends time with the kids, time with me and gets the yard work done. He is fun, calm, fair and loving. He is not afraid to say, "I love you". He is afraid of cantaloupe though. That however, doesn't come into play that much. ;-)
He has learned to appreciate my need to make lists over the years and I have learned to appreciate his "spur of the moment" plans. It is a good match and that is only good for the kids.
Happy Father's Day...let's barbecue some stuff!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Never a dull moment...
Called out of school yesterday to go to Tom's school because he almost passed out in the office. Ambulance and everything! He was being all guy-like and everything but his boss and I decided to take over (lol) and had the (very cute) paramedics take him to the ER.
Many tests and a few hours later they found nothing but wanted him to stay overnight. My theory (based solely on my innate intelligence and knowing Tom since we were 18) is he didn't eat all morning, he had PT for his shoulder before school and worked out and basically he hasn't eaten well for weeks. He kind of agrees with me but he thinks it is wimpy diagnosis, lol.
So, that got me out of work for the afternoon but then we had about 50 phone calls, texts and emails inquiring whether he was alive or not. Lovely of everyone to care, but I feel like a broken record.
Part of our deal about leaving the hospital AMA (I've always wanted to do that-so dramatic!) was that he had to eat real food all weekend and no working out...so, where should we go for dinner tonight?
Some of these "moments" are not dull, huh?
Many tests and a few hours later they found nothing but wanted him to stay overnight. My theory (based solely on my innate intelligence and knowing Tom since we were 18) is he didn't eat all morning, he had PT for his shoulder before school and worked out and basically he hasn't eaten well for weeks. He kind of agrees with me but he thinks it is wimpy diagnosis, lol.
So, that got me out of work for the afternoon but then we had about 50 phone calls, texts and emails inquiring whether he was alive or not. Lovely of everyone to care, but I feel like a broken record.
Part of our deal about leaving the hospital AMA (I've always wanted to do that-so dramatic!) was that he had to eat real food all weekend and no working out...so, where should we go for dinner tonight?
Some of these "moments" are not dull, huh?
Friday, May 15, 2009
It's the weekend...
I'm at my favorite restaurant...you know, the one where the bartender knows my name, pours my wine when I walk in and I REALLY don't even know what wine it is. NO JOKE! Having an after dinner glass, some dessert and watching the bar tv with my wonderful husband...who is always great but even more so on a weekend when things are less stressful ;-).
We had a nice dinner, the kids only called once. And I didn't see too many school people. Oh, and I only had 2 work emails. Yes, I know I don't have to answer them, but if you read me regularly you know I'm anal and maniac and HAVE to check my email constantly.
So, I guess my point is: have a nice weekend all! I intend to...working on something funny for the start of the week...stay tuned!!
We had a nice dinner, the kids only called once. And I didn't see too many school people. Oh, and I only had 2 work emails. Yes, I know I don't have to answer them, but if you read me regularly you know I'm anal and maniac and HAVE to check my email constantly.
So, I guess my point is: have a nice weekend all! I intend to...working on something funny for the start of the week...stay tuned!!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Stereotypes and Cliches I Believe:
Of course stereotypes are bad and generalizations can perpetuate narrow minded beliefs...but still, come on...some of these things are based in a smidgen of fact!! And cliches are trite and immature....but they came from somewhere, right?So, here goes...
1. Women are smarter than men simply because they can multitask. Women can always think 2 steps ahead. If we couldn't we'd never be able to drive a carpool. Notice how when your husband drives the carpool you have to explain every step to him?
2. Jewish men can't fix things around the house...but they can pay for others to do so. While both have their advantages having a house-goy that can fix the plumbing or sump pump way blows away having to wait for the million dollar an hour overtime real plumber.
3. Girls are better behaved in the classroom and more eager to help organize things...(see #1).
4. People who like cats are weird and basically solitary. (The only good thing about cats is that they eat birds...and birds are evil, you should hate them.)
5. Working moms have an air of bitterness and martyrdom (even if they love their jobs) because we can't just stay home and wait for the dishwasher repair guy. We have to rearrange our whole lives to deal with that stupid stuff. It sucks. (And I love my job...but still it is completely stressful when things "come up".)
6. SAHMs have an air of superiority because they think they are making more of a sacrifice for their families by quitting work and staying home. Then they say insulting things like, "I have made my family my first priority." Cuz, you know....My family isn't that important to me...I just work to get out of the house and avoid the dishwasher repair guy.
7. Men really do have issues if their wives make more $ than they do, even if they say they don't care.
8. Short men are opinionated and loud because they feel like they have something to prove.
9. Ultra-religious people (no matter what the religion) are very narrow minded. One once told me I was bastardizing the Jewish race by marrying a non-Jew. Like I need THAT on my conscience! Crap...I'm worried about how to juggle repair guys and he's telling me that the fate of the Chosen People resides in my choice of a spouse...Gimme a break.
10. Non-Jewish families keep their feelings bottled up inside. Jewish families are an open book and nothing is sacred. Not that this is always a GOOD thing!
Ok....discuss and tell me how offended you are! ;-) Or better yet, tell me what stereotypes and cliches you believe!
1. Women are smarter than men simply because they can multitask. Women can always think 2 steps ahead. If we couldn't we'd never be able to drive a carpool. Notice how when your husband drives the carpool you have to explain every step to him?
2. Jewish men can't fix things around the house...but they can pay for others to do so. While both have their advantages having a house-goy that can fix the plumbing or sump pump way blows away having to wait for the million dollar an hour overtime real plumber.
3. Girls are better behaved in the classroom and more eager to help organize things...(see #1).
4. People who like cats are weird and basically solitary. (The only good thing about cats is that they eat birds...and birds are evil, you should hate them.)
5. Working moms have an air of bitterness and martyrdom (even if they love their jobs) because we can't just stay home and wait for the dishwasher repair guy. We have to rearrange our whole lives to deal with that stupid stuff. It sucks. (And I love my job...but still it is completely stressful when things "come up".)
6. SAHMs have an air of superiority because they think they are making more of a sacrifice for their families by quitting work and staying home. Then they say insulting things like, "I have made my family my first priority." Cuz, you know....My family isn't that important to me...I just work to get out of the house and avoid the dishwasher repair guy.
7. Men really do have issues if their wives make more $ than they do, even if they say they don't care.
8. Short men are opinionated and loud because they feel like they have something to prove.
9. Ultra-religious people (no matter what the religion) are very narrow minded. One once told me I was bastardizing the Jewish race by marrying a non-Jew. Like I need THAT on my conscience! Crap...I'm worried about how to juggle repair guys and he's telling me that the fate of the Chosen People resides in my choice of a spouse...Gimme a break.
10. Non-Jewish families keep their feelings bottled up inside. Jewish families are an open book and nothing is sacred. Not that this is always a GOOD thing!
Ok....discuss and tell me how offended you are! ;-) Or better yet, tell me what stereotypes and cliches you believe!
Of Course...You Saw This One Coming...Things I am Thankful For:
I wasn't going to write this list because it seems so trite and far be it from me to ever be trite but what the heck...it is the holiday season!
1. Obviously, my family. Specifically Tom who is "one of the good ones". Although that doesn't mean it didn't take work to get him that way. And of course my boys...when they aren't being annoying to each other, messing things up and smelling bad they are pretty good kids. I appreciate that they both still want a hug and kiss goodnight from me. If they marry bitches that hate me and move to California I will at least be able to live with the memories of how they are now.
2. My job...not just because I HAVE one, which is nothing to joke about in these times, but also because I love it. I get to laugh everyday, I have friends that I get to see everyday and I am grateful to have known some families for years and they have shared their kids with me. Of course some parents suck....but none of them are on FB ;-).
3. That the country chose the right man to be president. 'Nuff said.
4. Cheap wine. Clearly when others are buying expensive wine is FABULOUS. But really, my palate is not so sensitive or snobby that after the first 2 glasses I even notice. Hell, I can even drink Chardonnay after a couple of glasses of something decent. (And admit it, some of you only order Chardonnay because everyone else does...really it IS like sucking on a flower....D.I.)...{And if you don't know what D.I. is stay tuned. If you do know...chime in! It is the slang of the future and you heard it here first.}
5. My friends (hmmm, I just noticed I put friends after drinking....verrrry interesting...). Seriously, I have wonderful friends. (And I'm sure they will all read this and agree, lol..sorry Melissa, I had to "lol" on that one. It has been days since I did that!!!) I know from past experience that I have friends I can count on in difficult times; friends that make me laugh and listen to me bitch; friends that are smart, fun and worth my time. You can't ask for much more. (Well, I COULD....but I'm trying to be grateful here, not greedy.)
6. My health and that of my kids. It can be fleeting and you can't take that for granted. No humor here...don't wanna tempt fate.
7. My Blackberry...Good god! How did I ever live without it?? Really, it is THE GREATEST thing ever. And yes, I realize the juxtaposition of being thankful for my BB right after being thankful for the health of my precious children, so shut up. I don't even care when people accuse me of being addicted to my Crackberry. They just soooo don't get it. In a fire, if my kids and Tom were safe, I'd go for the BB next...before the dog. It's true, you can be shocked. I don't care.
Now we can get frivolous...and no, the first 7 things were not frivolous. Wine and Blackberries are VERY important.
In no particular order here are some lesser things that I am thankful for:
Pasta...yumm-o. Especially pasta with red cream sauce from Italian Kitchen in Deerfield. Try it if you haven't...although you may feel the need to have an agioplasty or work out for 5 hours afterwards. Not my fault though, I don't make it...Oh, and if you send your husband or boyfreind there to pick it up don't be surprised if he wants to go back again SOON. There is a prety impressive pair of "girls" on the young lady that runs the counter. Usually when we order out from there it takes Tom, AJ and my father-in-law to go pick up the food.
Television...see previous notes on tv and why I love it. TV rocks and those who don't watch it are either lying or freaks. Or lying freaks....you decide.
High Speed Internet Access...mostly because I just like saying that...Oh, and without it FB would load even MORE SLOWLY. (Really, what is the deal with that? This is a pretty slow site...It's annoying. Sometimes I just go through my Blackberry to check things quickly!)
My Bowflex Treadclimber...it is as cool as the infomercial claims. It works your ass off and you can watch tv while doing it because it isn't that loud. Kind of combines 2 of my fav things in one. Plus, it keeps the weight off and gets in my cardio. It is sturdy and not too ugly to boot.
So...I know I am forgetting some things. But during this holiday season it is nice to stop and think about all the GOOD things. So..name something you are thankful for...no fair saying stuffing or pumpkin pie though. (And yes, I know I got to say pasta but this is MY list and I make the rules. So pony up, cowboy.)
1. Obviously, my family. Specifically Tom who is "one of the good ones". Although that doesn't mean it didn't take work to get him that way. And of course my boys...when they aren't being annoying to each other, messing things up and smelling bad they are pretty good kids. I appreciate that they both still want a hug and kiss goodnight from me. If they marry bitches that hate me and move to California I will at least be able to live with the memories of how they are now.
2. My job...not just because I HAVE one, which is nothing to joke about in these times, but also because I love it. I get to laugh everyday, I have friends that I get to see everyday and I am grateful to have known some families for years and they have shared their kids with me. Of course some parents suck....but none of them are on FB ;-).
3. That the country chose the right man to be president. 'Nuff said.
4. Cheap wine. Clearly when others are buying expensive wine is FABULOUS. But really, my palate is not so sensitive or snobby that after the first 2 glasses I even notice. Hell, I can even drink Chardonnay after a couple of glasses of something decent. (And admit it, some of you only order Chardonnay because everyone else does...really it IS like sucking on a flower....D.I.)...{And if you don't know what D.I. is stay tuned. If you do know...chime in! It is the slang of the future and you heard it here first.}
5. My friends (hmmm, I just noticed I put friends after drinking....verrrry interesting...). Seriously, I have wonderful friends. (And I'm sure they will all read this and agree, lol..sorry Melissa, I had to "lol" on that one. It has been days since I did that!!!) I know from past experience that I have friends I can count on in difficult times; friends that make me laugh and listen to me bitch; friends that are smart, fun and worth my time. You can't ask for much more. (Well, I COULD....but I'm trying to be grateful here, not greedy.)
6. My health and that of my kids. It can be fleeting and you can't take that for granted. No humor here...don't wanna tempt fate.
7. My Blackberry...Good god! How did I ever live without it?? Really, it is THE GREATEST thing ever. And yes, I realize the juxtaposition of being thankful for my BB right after being thankful for the health of my precious children, so shut up. I don't even care when people accuse me of being addicted to my Crackberry. They just soooo don't get it. In a fire, if my kids and Tom were safe, I'd go for the BB next...before the dog. It's true, you can be shocked. I don't care.
Now we can get frivolous...and no, the first 7 things were not frivolous. Wine and Blackberries are VERY important.
In no particular order here are some lesser things that I am thankful for:
Pasta...yumm-o. Especially pasta with red cream sauce from Italian Kitchen in Deerfield. Try it if you haven't...although you may feel the need to have an agioplasty or work out for 5 hours afterwards. Not my fault though, I don't make it...Oh, and if you send your husband or boyfreind there to pick it up don't be surprised if he wants to go back again SOON. There is a prety impressive pair of "girls" on the young lady that runs the counter. Usually when we order out from there it takes Tom, AJ and my father-in-law to go pick up the food.
Television...see previous notes on tv and why I love it. TV rocks and those who don't watch it are either lying or freaks. Or lying freaks....you decide.
High Speed Internet Access...mostly because I just like saying that...Oh, and without it FB would load even MORE SLOWLY. (Really, what is the deal with that? This is a pretty slow site...It's annoying. Sometimes I just go through my Blackberry to check things quickly!)
My Bowflex Treadclimber...it is as cool as the infomercial claims. It works your ass off and you can watch tv while doing it because it isn't that loud. Kind of combines 2 of my fav things in one. Plus, it keeps the weight off and gets in my cardio. It is sturdy and not too ugly to boot.
So...I know I am forgetting some things. But during this holiday season it is nice to stop and think about all the GOOD things. So..name something you are thankful for...no fair saying stuffing or pumpkin pie though. (And yes, I know I got to say pasta but this is MY list and I make the rules. So pony up, cowboy.)
Men...
You gotta love them...Yes, they make it difficult at times. And then, at other times, I am amazed...Some observations:
They are more live in the moment. Women are more fold the laundry and then live through a romance novel.Why does my husband wake up and think about what he wants to do for him that day while I wake up and think about where the kids are supposed to be?
Speaking of sleeping...why do they have to nap so much? They really don't work harder than women. I think of excessive napping as a weakness. Buck up and deal with life. Sleep is a waste of perfectly good time!
If they would just make a list every now and then they could save tons of time! The happiest day of my life was when Tom said to me, "Could you just write it all down?" It took a couple decades, but he is finally realizing I know what I'm doing ;-).
What is wrong with their arms that the can't actually reach into the dishwasher or the washing machine? Is this the same affliction that causes them to be unable to replace toilet paper rolls? I think this is also why boys have to be reminded 100 times a week to hold their penis when they pee...some kind of low muscle tone in the arm or something...
How exactly do they know where to put the WD-40 so that the annoying squeak vanishes from the screen door? I love that!Are some just born knowing how to dry wall and spackle? Is that even how you spell spackle?Some goes for splicing cable or whatever that is called...interesting that they can do that but not load the dishwasher.
Why do they love Home Depot and hate Bed, Bath and Beyond? It is the same idea really...Ok, HD is the mechanical stuff and BB&B is the decor...but still...you need BOTH to actually be done with the new bathroom.
Do you think they really know what all those tools in the tool box are for? Tom is VERY handy and "fix-it-y" but he really only uses a screwdriver, a wrench and those allen wrench things...It's all for show, right? Kind of like women who have all those fancy copper pots hanging from their kitchen ceilings. They don't use those either!
Why do we both live in the same same house (and have for 19 years) and he still isn't always sure what brand of stuff we use? Fascinating...again, the details don't bother men.
I think it is cool that they can shower in 90 seconds.
Why can they remember stats about sports (and pointless ones at that!) and have no idea what I said this morning about our plans for this evening?
And this is NOT my husband...but the dads who walk into the office at school and HAVE NO IDEA who their kid's teacher is just floor me every fricking year. I mean really, this is not 1970...Dads are actually involved in childrearing these days. ACT LIKE IT!
Speaking of which...dads in real life are really not as dumb as the ones on tv. But why is it so darn funny anyway? Tom and I agree that is the only "acceptable" form of discrimination left, "Anti-dadism"....tee hee. But even the lamest guys I know aren't as dumb as say, Jim Belushi on Everyone Loves Jim.
And thus the big secret is BUSTED. Men really aren't dumb...they just act like it to get out of doing stuff, right? The really bad part is that women let them get away with it! I had this conversation with a man recently...men act dumb to get out of chores etc...Early in a relationship women just say, "Fine forget it, I'll do it myself" due to lack of patience. Later on in the relationship, especially after kids are involved, women say that due to lack of TIME. I don't have time to explain everything darn thing every darn day...Easier to do it myself.
And of course, if I didn't do it myself I'd have no reason or right to pull the martyr card every so often either ;-).
Ok, just a few things that have been on my mind. Overall, I like men. They are generally easy to get along with and since I am rarely offended I find their humor fun. And of course, you need a good one around to fix stuff and carry crap from the car. And maybe for a few other things during the week...
Now if any men read this they can write their own bitchy "Women" list....oh wait, that involves planning ahead and list making ;-). Nevermind....
They are more live in the moment. Women are more fold the laundry and then live through a romance novel.Why does my husband wake up and think about what he wants to do for him that day while I wake up and think about where the kids are supposed to be?
Speaking of sleeping...why do they have to nap so much? They really don't work harder than women. I think of excessive napping as a weakness. Buck up and deal with life. Sleep is a waste of perfectly good time!
If they would just make a list every now and then they could save tons of time! The happiest day of my life was when Tom said to me, "Could you just write it all down?" It took a couple decades, but he is finally realizing I know what I'm doing ;-).
What is wrong with their arms that the can't actually reach into the dishwasher or the washing machine? Is this the same affliction that causes them to be unable to replace toilet paper rolls? I think this is also why boys have to be reminded 100 times a week to hold their penis when they pee...some kind of low muscle tone in the arm or something...
How exactly do they know where to put the WD-40 so that the annoying squeak vanishes from the screen door? I love that!Are some just born knowing how to dry wall and spackle? Is that even how you spell spackle?Some goes for splicing cable or whatever that is called...interesting that they can do that but not load the dishwasher.
Why do they love Home Depot and hate Bed, Bath and Beyond? It is the same idea really...Ok, HD is the mechanical stuff and BB&B is the decor...but still...you need BOTH to actually be done with the new bathroom.
Do you think they really know what all those tools in the tool box are for? Tom is VERY handy and "fix-it-y" but he really only uses a screwdriver, a wrench and those allen wrench things...It's all for show, right? Kind of like women who have all those fancy copper pots hanging from their kitchen ceilings. They don't use those either!
Why do we both live in the same same house (and have for 19 years) and he still isn't always sure what brand of stuff we use? Fascinating...again, the details don't bother men.
I think it is cool that they can shower in 90 seconds.
Why can they remember stats about sports (and pointless ones at that!) and have no idea what I said this morning about our plans for this evening?
And this is NOT my husband...but the dads who walk into the office at school and HAVE NO IDEA who their kid's teacher is just floor me every fricking year. I mean really, this is not 1970...Dads are actually involved in childrearing these days. ACT LIKE IT!
Speaking of which...dads in real life are really not as dumb as the ones on tv. But why is it so darn funny anyway? Tom and I agree that is the only "acceptable" form of discrimination left, "Anti-dadism"....tee hee. But even the lamest guys I know aren't as dumb as say, Jim Belushi on Everyone Loves Jim.
And thus the big secret is BUSTED. Men really aren't dumb...they just act like it to get out of doing stuff, right? The really bad part is that women let them get away with it! I had this conversation with a man recently...men act dumb to get out of chores etc...Early in a relationship women just say, "Fine forget it, I'll do it myself" due to lack of patience. Later on in the relationship, especially after kids are involved, women say that due to lack of TIME. I don't have time to explain everything darn thing every darn day...Easier to do it myself.
And of course, if I didn't do it myself I'd have no reason or right to pull the martyr card every so often either ;-).
Ok, just a few things that have been on my mind. Overall, I like men. They are generally easy to get along with and since I am rarely offended I find their humor fun. And of course, you need a good one around to fix stuff and carry crap from the car. And maybe for a few other things during the week...
Now if any men read this they can write their own bitchy "Women" list....oh wait, that involves planning ahead and list making ;-). Nevermind....
Why the word "whatever" is the most fabulous word...
The word "whatever" can mean SOOO many things. It can convey just about anything. I use it all the time, and it has gotten me in trouble, out of trouble, more work piled on my plate, and even pregnant (well, ok, just ONCE)....But usually, it just says so much without saying too much. Examples:
1. To express unhappiness with a chosen restaurant...."Amy, how about Stoney River for dinner tonight?""Whatever, I don't care.""Would you rather go to DiPescara?""Oh, that's a good idea!"(See? One word and I get the restaurant I wanted, and he thinks it was HIS idea.)
2. To sway the outcome of something at work..."Do you think I should send this home to the parents?""Whatever. Although it might be too much.""So, maybe I should wait and tell them about it after the book report is due?""That might be a better idea."(Got the assignment to go my way without being too bossy!)
3. To express anger at my children..."Mom, I need that shirt I put in the wash TODAY!""Whatever AJ, I'll just take care of that after I make the lunches, fold the laundry, pick up the dry cleaning and find something for dinner.""Ugh, fine forget it if you're gonna be so mean!""Ok, thanks for understanding, oh-child-of my-heart."(Just a little reminder to them that MOM is the one who really does all the work.)
4. To deal with the unexpected things at work that might otherwise push me over the edge..."Amy, you are getting another new kid in your class tomorrow. We have no info on her and she is from out of state.""Whatever!" If said with a smile I seem very enthusiastic and accepting while of course all I am thinking is, "Her last name better start with 'Z' or my grade book and mail boxes will be out of ABC order for the rest of the year!!"
5. To feign support towards my mom when she is listing all the things I need to do to help her on a holiday when I am the only daughter/daughter-in-law who works full time outside the house."I need you to pick up the dessert. And I forgot foil, ziplocs and parsley so can you stop at Jewel? Oh, and we need another booster seat. Can you find one in your garage?""Sure Mom, whatever I can do to help."(Then of course I yell at Tom to go to the bakery and get his butt out to the garage...can't wait until AJ is old enough to send into Jewel on his own!)
The best part about the word is that underneath people think you might be pissed, but you are going along with them so they can't REALLY call you out on it, lol...Oh wait, is that passive aggressive or manipulative of me? Me? No, never!
1. To express unhappiness with a chosen restaurant...."Amy, how about Stoney River for dinner tonight?""Whatever, I don't care.""Would you rather go to DiPescara?""Oh, that's a good idea!"(See? One word and I get the restaurant I wanted, and he thinks it was HIS idea.)
2. To sway the outcome of something at work..."Do you think I should send this home to the parents?""Whatever. Although it might be too much.""So, maybe I should wait and tell them about it after the book report is due?""That might be a better idea."(Got the assignment to go my way without being too bossy!)
3. To express anger at my children..."Mom, I need that shirt I put in the wash TODAY!""Whatever AJ, I'll just take care of that after I make the lunches, fold the laundry, pick up the dry cleaning and find something for dinner.""Ugh, fine forget it if you're gonna be so mean!""Ok, thanks for understanding, oh-child-of my-heart."(Just a little reminder to them that MOM is the one who really does all the work.)
4. To deal with the unexpected things at work that might otherwise push me over the edge..."Amy, you are getting another new kid in your class tomorrow. We have no info on her and she is from out of state.""Whatever!" If said with a smile I seem very enthusiastic and accepting while of course all I am thinking is, "Her last name better start with 'Z' or my grade book and mail boxes will be out of ABC order for the rest of the year!!"
5. To feign support towards my mom when she is listing all the things I need to do to help her on a holiday when I am the only daughter/daughter-in-law who works full time outside the house."I need you to pick up the dessert. And I forgot foil, ziplocs and parsley so can you stop at Jewel? Oh, and we need another booster seat. Can you find one in your garage?""Sure Mom, whatever I can do to help."(Then of course I yell at Tom to go to the bakery and get his butt out to the garage...can't wait until AJ is old enough to send into Jewel on his own!)
The best part about the word is that underneath people think you might be pissed, but you are going along with them so they can't REALLY call you out on it, lol...Oh wait, is that passive aggressive or manipulative of me? Me? No, never!
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