Things I Never Thought I'd Say Out Loud...

This is a repost of something I wrote on Facebook last year...I read it again this morning and it made me laugh. Seriously, who has to say some of these things? Oh right, ME! And why would that be? Oh, sure...because I have children who are occasionally insane!!

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1. Stop licking the dog!

2. I don't care if everyone else has a cell phone, you can't have one until you are at least 11!

3. Let me put that in my Blackberry.

4. That bartender doesn't look old enough to serve alcohol.

5. In my day Izod shirts never used to cost THAT much!

6. You have to hold your penis when you pee!

7. In this family we wear pants when we eat dinner.

8. Who barfed in this garbage can?

9. I like Jessica Simpson. (Well, this was true last year...now I just kind of feel sorry for her. I like the purses and shoes in her clothing line though.)

10. I like Barry Manilow. (And I am going to see him in concert this winter with my MOTHER, lol.)

11. My parents were right about a lot of things...especially that smoking is bad and the fact that family comes first.

12. Because I said so!! And if your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?

13. Yes, you can have fries and pudding for dinner.

14. Please don't bring the Cokes until their meals come.

15. Don't make me come down there!

16. We don't eat fries off the ground.

17. Stop reading and go to bed!

18. That music is too loud.

19. I'd rather be at work.

20. You have to learn to ride a bike, we named you Ryder. That's called irony.

Common Lies To Be Watchful Of...

**After a recent discussion with one of my sons about lying vs. "white lies"...here is a repost of an old list I put on Facebook last winter...still holds true ;-).
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Now, the disclaimer here is that OBVIOUSLY none of this is from my personal life. These are all based on observations of OTHERS. Being an educator, union official and mommy, I would NEVER, ever fib, embellish or lie. This is all for the purposes of entertainment, folks.

1. "Your email must have got sent to my bulk folder. I never got it, I am so sorry!" Now, this will work in extreme situations...but is clearly a lie that you can't use with family or close friends. I have heard it works in a school setting...

2. "My son is sick. Barfing all over. I am so sorry I can't make it to your candle and basket party." If someone who doesn't have kids says this to you, you can be pretty sure they are lying their ass off. So, remember, this doesn't work if you don't have kids yet. And if everyone knows that you have a kid who can barf at will, this won't work either ;-).

3. "I didn't have any cell reception so I couldn't call to invite you." Yeah right....and if that person has Verizon you KNOW they are lying. Verizon rocks. I always have reception.

4. "My sitter cancelled." This is ALWAYS a lie. I have never known this to be true...ever, in the history of the world. But it works well when needed, just don't get caught out elsewhere when you are supposed to be at the candle and basket party.

5. "My husband won't allow it." Oh PUL-LEASE! what self-respecting woman in her right mind actually says this and means it? This is only to be used when you don't want to do something and you need to blame it on someone else. However, once uttered no one can argue with you since they aren't entirely sure if your husband borders on abusive and they don't wanna get you beat up!

6. "Oh shoot...I gotta go. The kids are fighting." If you really want to be on the phone a little sibling squabble doesn't stop a real mother. You just close the door to the room they are in or give the "Mother Death Stare".

7. "No, I have never been drunk. I don't like the way it makes me feel." Now, this is a lie that MUST be told to children under legal drinking age when they ask. The watchful part of this lie is if you do not tell this lie you might be an overindulgent parent who is too intent on being friends with their kid.

8. "It's not you. It's me." Newsflash....it is NEVER me, it is always YOU!

9. "No, I can't make that meeting. I have a doctor's appointment." Really? How often do most people have dr's appointments? It is probably a manicure or a cut and color. But you can't argue with someone who SAYS they have a medical appointment. Now, if they said dentist you could argue...because that isn't ever terminal. That's why doctor's appointments are conversation stoppers.

10. "The dog has horrible gas!" Yeah, right....These are the same people who blame babies for their own gastrointestinal problems. Blaming children and defenseless animals! Just disgusting!

11. "This project took my little Sarah hours and hours to do!" Yeah, I'm sure, Mom. Your kid couldn't recreate that level of work in my classroom if I gave her 10 days, a $5000 budget and a staff of 6. Nice work, Mom. How'd you do in 4th grade the first time around?

12. "I couldn't get to the phone. I am so sorry I missed your call!" This is 2008. Caller ID means that if you miss a call you know who it was. If you WANT to call back, you will. If you don't want to call back, you say this (or #3....both work in either situation generally.)

Certain lies (or, "fibs", if you will) don't cause unending pain and hurt. The above are just little ones....now, if you said you couldn't drive a colleague to her grandmother's funeral because you had to go and serve soup to homeless people but really you had to go watch GH at a friend's house, THAT would just be wrong...on so many levels.

Lying is wrong....unless it is necessary....

That's nice...

My older son was born 11 years ago tonight by emergency c-section (thus beginning the slow and inevitable decline of my once hot bod). He just called me from his friend's house to say happy "his birth day". Lol.

Actually, he said, "Thanks for having a c-section so I didn't die." I told him no problem...it was my pleasure after about 6 months of heartburn and sleepless nights.

The kid is a keeper though...he's smart, he's funny, he doesn't mind going to the mall with me and he will still kiss me goodbye in public.

Motherhood rocks ;-).

Happy Father's Day!!

How does an ant get on the second floor of my house? Interesting.

But my original post was to be about Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day to all paternal types!

On to my husband...A fabulous dad everyday of the year! He is hands-on and laid back at the same time. He spends time with the kids, time with me and gets the yard work done. He is fun, calm, fair and loving. He is not afraid to say, "I love you". He is afraid of cantaloupe though. That however, doesn't come into play that much. ;-)

He has learned to appreciate my need to make lists over the years and I have learned to appreciate his "spur of the moment" plans. It is a good match and that is only good for the kids.

Happy Father's Day...let's barbecue some stuff!

Confession...

It is so easy to judge others' and their parenting skills, isn't it? Case in point...the other night we went out with multiple other families after a sporting event. Some of the kids were completely obnoxious, so much so that I wanted to leave at times. My kids and few others were fine...they ate their pizza, they spoke to each other in normal voices, they did not pour hot sauce on each other or into others' drinks and they did not pound on the walls of the restaurant.

I mention the things above because those are things that some of the kids actually did. What moronic parents actually think that that type of behavior is ok?? I was floored! And then my husband got up, reminded the obnoxious, spoiled little brats that we were in a public place and they were making a mess for someone else to clean up. The parents of said brats just giggled, "Oh, thanks!" Huh??

Then the behavior continued so *I* got up and reprimanded a bunch of them and reminded them that I know they have better manners than this. I know this to be true because some of them go to my school. They shut up for a few minutes and one mom was like, "Oh, good thing we brought the teachers! Do you feel like you are at work? That is so nice that you think they can have better manners." Ha ha ha, huh? I looked at her and said, "Actually, they are driving me nuts, they don't act this way in school."
Amazing that these parents thought their kids were fine. I was embarrassed for them.

On the way home I told my kids how proud I was of their behavior and my older one said, "That's why I just sat at the grown up table after a while. Those kids were too loud." I also commended a few other of the boys at school today for acting like normal, well behaved kids.

Sheesh...un-fricking-believable!! Ok, rant over...return to your normally scheduled program. I'll be back tomorrow.

Stuff No One Told You About Parenting...

You can read the books (and most of us do before the first baby is born). You can watch your friends and family members with their kids...You can even be a teacher for several years (ahem!). But nothing prepares you for actual PARENTING. There are lots of things good and bad that you just don't "get" until you have a kid. For example:

1. You understand why lions sometimes eat their young: There are times when I feel real rage. I am so pissed off by their stupidity, their obliviousness or their eye rolling. You want to just yell, "Do you realize I had heartburn for 40 fricking weeks while I grew you in my body???? I couldn't even sleep laying down for the last 10 weeks???" Actually, once in complete frustration Tom yelled that at one of them. I had to remind him that it was ME who went through that...

2. You know what they are thinking and you don't want to: Especially at young ages you can read their minds. And when one of them is your temperament clone you know what they are thinking, good and bad, all the time-their worries, their fears and their evil plans. I can look at one of my kids and know what is coming next...sometimes before he even knows it. That sort of power is scary. Oh, and the OTHER one? I know what he is thinking all the time too...because I have been living with his temperament clone for the past 23 years.

3. You want to kill children that hurt them: There is still one child we just refer to as "the mean girl" in our house. She called my younger son fat and ugly on several occasions. It took everything I had to not trip her in the hall at school, the little witch. She moved away. Lucky for her ;-). He got over it way before *I* did.

4. You are forced to say ridiculous things: I wrote a whole note last fall on things I never thought I'd say. Most of them were parenting related. Although the best one ever was not mine, but a friend of mine who did actually once have to say, "Stop licking the shopping cart wheels!" Seriously, kids can be deranged and WE have to deal with it! I once did have to say, "You HAVE to learn to ride a bike. We named you Ryder for god's sakes!" Irony is often lost on 5 year olds.

5. The stretch marks do NOT go away no matter how much cocoa butter lotion you use.

6. You will not watch the videos you took of their babyhood or toddlerhood for many years: And then one day when you want to you will realize that you no longer own a working VCR. You're screwed.

7. Checking up on them and enabling them is a very hard habit to break: As an educator I know this is wrong. But it is virtually impossible to NOT bail out your kid (figuratively at this point, lol...I'm sure the literal will come later...Tom and I differ as to which kid will be first to need literal bailing out...I digress). But they have to learn lessons and tears are a part of that. The trick is to hold back your own until they are out of the room.

8. The left over food on their plates DOES add up: What?? I didn't eat anything today except a Lean Cuisine and a yogurt...oh, and 2 nuggets, the rest of the macaroni, a pancake and 3 Oreos...Hmmmm...Shit.

9. Not everyone will love your kid...I know, riiiight? How can someone NOT love my kid? But it happens. Someone will think he is obnoxious or rude or dumb or a show off or something. Then you are back to #3 and wanting to kill someone who has hurt them.

10. Saying no is the best thing sometimes: It hurts both of you at times but a kid who only hears "yes" ends up being spoiled, rude and pushy and doesn't think much about others' feelings. And no one wants to be responsible for raising the next Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan...or worse.

11. Homework sucks, even if you have a smart kid. Even if you are a teacher...especially if you are a teacher, because you can tell what is busy work and what isn't. Then you have to hold your tongue, lol.

There are plenty more, but these stand out in my mind. And really, some of them I would have believed before I had kids, but I wouldn't have understood the depth of it. I used to hate it when parents or other teachers would say to me, "You'll understand when you have children of your own." But, it is true. I do understand now.

The Final Answer...

So, the mean baseball empire broke my baby's heart and he did not make the travel team. His poor face when I told him just crumpled.

However, on the bright side for our family...we save hundreds of dollars, we can go on our trip to Disney World in July as planned and I don't have to sit at baseball games 5 or 6 days a week all summer.
And dinner from McDonald's cheered him up pretty quickly. I love that kid...their loss.

Swine Flu...

So bird flu had me upset enough in the past. I hate birds (perhaps I've mentioned that). And the idea that not only can they swoop down at any given moment and peck my eyes out, but now they could transfer some deadly virus to me or my progeny...well, forget it! All birds are evil!!

But now we have pigs to fear as well? And yes, I know that at this point it is human-human transfer that is the issue, but still...This is stressing me out. Who even knew we had a pandemic alert system (which apparently we are on some level that is scary and higher than normal)?

I'm feeling like I used to right after my first child was born. Parents know this feeling, right? The feeling that, "I have brought this new person into the world and now look at all the things I have to worry about protecting him from!!" The list is endless and terrifying. It is enough to make anyone OCD...or at least a heavy drinker and peruser of new reports and updates late into the night.

Hmmm...let's list all the bizarre things I can't control that could kill me or the kids at any time:

1. SARs

2. Bird flu

3. Swine flu

4. Tornadoes/earthquakes and other natural disasters (although the chance of a tidal wave in Chicago is pretty slim...phew!!)

5. E coli

6. various other horrid diseases, contagious or not

7. And of course, terrorists and car accidents....of course these 2 are not necessarily related but both are on the news all the time.

Why do I watch the news? It just stresses me out...But more importantly, can I still have bacon on my baked potato at lunch today??

Stuff That is Great About Being an Adult...

Ok, here is the follow up to my last note...the other side of the coin!One of my children aspires to be an adult, and if you know my kids you know for sure which one it is. He always wants to know, "What's it like to be a grown up and be able to......?". I tell him to relax and enjoy being a kid. Adults have the luxury of, well, of being adults who can look back on childhood with fondness for the most part. From where they sit, kids must think things seem pretty rosy for us, you know? Here are all the things I can think of that make the WORK worthwhile:

1.Staying up as late as you want...So, this is one of those things that is great when you are in college and soon after. You know, when you have fewer REAL responsibilities. I love staying up late. But having to get up at the crack of dawn and drag short people out of their beds sucks, and it sucks more when you can't open your eyes. Then, the cruel irony of this is once your kids get old enough to be responsible for themselves in the mornings (I'm still semi-waiting for this!) YOU are too old to stay up late. Where is the fairness in this? But, the point being, you CAN do it if you want to ;-)

2. Eating ice cream for dinner...Now, I can't honestly find anything bad about this. I have done it before and I'll do it again. Of course there is that pesky issue of weight gain to consider....

3. Swearing and not getting in trouble...And by trouble I mean that you can't get technically grounded. Of course one can't run around swearing at work all the time (or, in my case, ever) but no one is going to wash my mouth out with soap (and yes, that did happen to me as a kid, phhhhhlaaat! gross!) for dropping an f-bomb here or there when I am feeling especially colorful. Oh, I did swear in front of my kid's friend this weekend...I called his mom and fessed up. She didn't seem too mad...

4. Buying something you don't "need"...We are not exactly "well off" but we get by. While I don't have money for huge extras sometimes I do make time for me (especially if there is a sale at AT Loft). That is the perk I get for working my butt off everyday so we can live here, right? I make my kids repeat the mantra, "We have everything we need and some of the things we want." And I do believe that, but heck, Mommy gets pretty clothes every now and then, right?

5. Getting to be right, even if you aren't...and yes, I know that this blurs with just "being the parent". But any adult can pull the, "I'm right, so there" card. Only occasionally will this get you beat up...and even less occasionally if you are a woman.

6. Driving...I love driving. It is fun and it reeks of freedom. I especially love being in the car in the summer, windows down, sunroof open, and cheesy metal playing really loudly. That is fun. Although when I get to a stoplight in town I do kind of turn down the music. I don't wanna scar any Deerfield kids by seeing Ms. K banging her head to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" at the intersection...

7. According to AJ Schmitz, the best thing about being an adult is bossing your kids around. You can make them do whatever you want. As I tell them all the time, "What's the use of kids if they can't work for you?" I love it when they want to do something or go somewhere and I can say stuff like, "Well, ok...but bring in the garbage cans, get the mail and straighten up the basement first." The best!

8. Wine...'nuff said. And it doesn't even have to be expensive...especially after the first 2 glasses.

9. Voting...Even when my candidate doesn't win I love voting. It makes you FEEL grown up, doesn't it? Although voting in my county is kinda boring. You just fill in the bubble with a marker, a scantron test! In college when I voted in Wisconsin they had actual "pull the curtain and yank down the lever" voting booths. It was so cool!!

10. This goes along with #7...Changing the rules whenever you feel like it. I can say stuff like, "No pop with dinner" and then change my mind when I want to, or when it suits me. I can do this at home and at school ;-).

Ok, what else? What is your favorite thing about being a grown-up?

Stuff That Sucks About Being An Adult

There are plenty advantages to being an adult...you can go to a bar, you make your own money (hopefully), you can make your own choices blah, blah, blah...But there are some things that suck eggs about being an adult. Wouldn't it be so awesome to be able to take a vacation from adulthood for a while? There really aren't too many years in my life I'd relive in real time...except maybe junior and senior year in college. But the past would be a great place to visit, huh? Then you would not need to deal with some of the following:

1. Working...I love my job. I get to laugh, I get to get messy and I get recess. But some days it would be just be oh-so-fab to sleep the day away, hang out on my own and have no consequences. I wouldn't have had to make lesson plans the day before that some dumb sub wouldn't follow, I wouldn't have to come back to work and clean up literal and figurative messes and I wouldn't have let anyone down.

2. Being the one in charge...Now listen, I like being the "boss" at home and in my classroom. But when things are tough or get icky I wish Calgon would take me away. I will never forget a HUGE, "Oh, my!" moment several years ago. It was in school the first week, I was with the class and suddenly a boy (didn't even know his name yet!) fainted dead away and smashed face first onto the tile floor. Seriously, I first looked around and then realized, "Holy crap, I'm the adult in charge of this!!" WTF? Now all turned out well, the kid was nervous and overheated, I guess. But that feeling of, "things are going downhill quickly and I'm the one who is supposed to keep it all together" was momentarily overpowering. Times like that you want some totally in control REAL grown up to come forward and say, "Step aside, I know exactly what to do so it all turns out ok!"

3. Still having your parents think you are a kid...Now, while I don't always want to be in control of scary situations I DO want to be in control of my life situations. No matter how old you are there are some things you dread telling Mom or Dad because you just KNOW that even over the phone they are judging and rolling their eyes. I don't think this will ever change though, until I put them away somewhere that feeds them oatmeal and lets them play Wii bowling all day.

4. Taxes and all that crap...Obviously this stuff sucks. I am a Democrat until I die and I might even be a Socialist. But when I dare to glance at the "gross" pay column on my check I sometimes get a teensy, tiny bit pissed off. I think that is normal though, right? RIGHT??

5. Realizing life isn't getting any longer...I don't feel old. I don't even think I look all that bad for my advanced age. But according to a USA Today article the average American women lives to about 80 years old. My life is more than half over, same with most of you reading this. Sorry to be a huge buzz kill, but I can't always spread sunshine and unicorns everywhere I go. And why should I ruminate about this on my own when I have a semi-captive (and apparently aging) audience?

6.Saying no to stuff you don't want to say no to...Like eating junk, double desserts, buying a new flat screen tv. Part of the GOOD stuff about being an adult is that you could theoretically "do what you want" but the sucky part is that you know you can't have your cake and eat it too. Sucks.

7. Lying to your kids for their own good... Hey, I'd love to be honest with my kids about stuff I've done and REALLY talk to them about mistakes and bad experiments. But then for sure they will think they can do it too, since it turned out ok for me. So, I have to lie and put the fear into them. It makes me feel like a hypocrite but that is one of the downsides of parenting. Eventually I can talk to them more honestly...but it is better to put the fear of a horrific lung-cancer filled death into a 10 year old than to explain my on and off through the years smoking issues (and that's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg). Oh, and you also have to lie about things like, "No, Mommy and Daddy will never die. We will take care of you for as long as you need us to." You can't tell a 5 year old that you can drop at any moment and there is no telling the future...That would be bad parenting. And lead to years of therapy...

8. When the basement floods, the sewer line from the house needs to be replaced or the furnace explodes in the middle of a November night...and yes, this has all happened in our family. These are the kind of "adult" issues that I flip out about. Tom handles these things much better than I do, thank goodness. There is little in this world worse than water issues, though. Rogue flooding was one reason we had to move 5 years ago...it about pushed me over the edge. The smell of wet carpeting will never leave my subconscious and those of you who have experienced this have to agree, right? These household problems are in the category of, "Why am I in charge of this? And why does it cost so much?" Grrrrrrr...sucks!

9. Knowing that the world is random and not always fair...I guess I always knew this but once you become a parent this knowledge can be paralyzing if you let it. This is why some people become obsessive, compulsive or turn into helicopter parents. You just have to deal and move forward and think about the fact that randomness CAN be good. Like, you COULD be the Lotto winner or the 21st caller. Concentrate on that.

10. Consequences for bad choices....once you reach a certain age you can't just live by the, "I hope you've learned a lesson," thing. You have to accept the consequences of your actions. Bummer. It is so much easier to blame others ;-).

Well, geez, this was a depressing list! Sorry folks....I'll work on something more uplifting for next time. I don't know what came over me. Hopefully I've covered everything though...if there is more perhaps you should keep it to yourself. We wouldn't want to be responsibile for people on the Friend list needing more therapy or new meds...

Things That Make Me Laugh...

I have a pretty good sense of humor...I mean, I spend most of my days with kids. Ya gotta love to laugh and be able to find humor in much, right? But some things get me consistently...

1.Ryder Brandon Schmitz: My younger son is a crack up. Everytime the kids opens his mouth it is guaranteed to be a gem. He is the kid who told me that Jesus died on the potty (and then his older brother pointed out that he must be mixing up Jesus with Elvis). He is also the kid who informed me that wheelchairs can kill you...no idea why though. I have to repeat everything 50 times because he never listens, he would rather play video games than breathe, he refuses to change his underwear and he quotes "Family Guy" at very inopportune times.

As a friend once told me, "You are Ryder's mother because you spent all those years telling everyone at school that you LIKE difficult, challenging boys in your classroom."

2. Three and a Half Men: I don't know what it is about this show. I never watched it when it began but the 10:30 p.m. reruns on WGN are "must see tv". I do not think this show is prime time fodder...SO inappropriate! But it cracks me up...who doesn't like Charlie Sheen as a slutty, hard drinking ego-maniac in a bowling shirt and Duckie as a loser chiropractor? And the real life parents of the kid who plays Jake? What the heck are those people thinking? Tee hee...glad they are morons and let their kid be a part of that show for MY amusement.

3. Explaining tv and record players (or anything else we had "back in the day") when we were kids to my class: Seriously, I had to bring in vinyl this year to show my class what albums are! They were flabbergasted..."How did you rewind it?"; "You can't play THAT in a car!" OMG...talk about a teachable moment!! Kids also can't get over tv when we were kids...4 or 5 channels? ; No remote . I love scaring children ;-).

4. Jason and Spinelli on General Hospital: Ok, so this is obscure for most of you. But their scenes are priceless. Spinelli's over the top vocabulary and Jason's deadpan "mobster with a heart of gold" schtick are the greatest thing on daytime tv since Luke and Laura dancing through Wyndym's Department Store.

5. Stupid movies: Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Slapshot....Love that crap! If I have to sit and watch a movie I don't usually want to THINK. I can do that all day at work; I need to laugh and what is funnier than Bill Murray covered in slime?

6. Hannah and Brian: Friends with whom I can be completely innappropriate. Only they know the things I do not believe in and the thing that is NOT as bad as making Thanksgiving dinner for 10. The rest of you can use your imagination...

7. Calvin and Hobbes: Their creator Bill Watterson is a genius. Calvin is the kid I'd love to have in my classroom but be beside myself if I had to live with him. And seriously, the vocabulary in those strips is fabulous. My kids have learned so many descriptive words from Calvin it's ri-goddamn-diculous.

8. My job: I get to laugh everyday. Whether it is something a child says inadvertently, or not....It is a rare day that I don't LOL for real. And yes, sometimes they tell me things about Mom and Dad and THAT is why I can't look at you at conferences. ;-)

So...what makes you laugh without abandon each day??

One Thing That Is Much Harder Than It Looks...

This deserves a Note of its own...And if you have kids who play sports you will quickly see why. If you don't have kids who play sports, then feel free to excuse yourself. But please close the door on your way out, I might get loud here...

It is so EASY to bitch about "those parents". You know, the ones who get nutso-psycho at kid sporting events. We've all seen them, right? The mom or dad who is yelling at their kid, other kids, the ref/ump/offical and who always has a better line up or game plan than the coach. In house league sports this is obviously over the top and we can look down our noses at such behavior and tell that parent to take a Valium, shut up and sit down. With any luck the offensive, out of line parent gets booted and if he/she is on the other team we can spread the word via PTOs and emails that there is a crazed parent on that team. We all chuckle, feel bad for the offender's spouse and kids, ("Can you imagine his poor SON? Oh, that kid must live with constant criticism!"; "I know! I heard he yells at the secretaries at school whenver it is indoor recess too!"). It is so easy, and of course appropriate, to judge such ridiculous behavior, right?

However, throw try-outs, registration/roster fees of a couple thousand dollars, and 8:00 a.m. Saturday games in Bumpkinville into the mix and suddenly you DO have the right to demand a better outcome. Ok, well not really, since we are still talking about kids....but still, when parents are shelling out thousands and rearranging family bat mitzvahs to attend a 5th grade sporting event, things are clearly "not just for fun" anymore. I'm not saying it is right to be the over the top parent once your kid starts playing a "travel" sport; I'm just saying I get how the line gets blurred and suddenly you find yourself playing politics and wishing bad things about the star of the other team who slide tackled your baby.

I do my best to appear like I don't mind...but I do mind. I HATE losing or coming in second. I do not make a habit of it in my personal life and never have. Of course I say all the right things to my students and my sons, "You played your best."; "Once the game is over, it's over, we move on."; or, "You guys just couldn't get a break, sometimes that happens." But really, that sucks! Who wants to lose? Being a good sport? That really means being a good loser...and THAT is a massive oxymoron. If you are so good, then you wouldn't lose! But ah, we have to set good examples for our kids and be supportive. There are plenty of times I want to scream across the field, "Keep running! You look like a slacker!" But I can't do that. Imagine the other parents, "OMG, she's insane!"; "Thank goodness my kids were never in her class!" LOL...

Really, I do want to yell at my kid at times...he's good on a bad day and fabulous on most days. So, if he gives up, it annoys me. And the check I wrote at the start of the season doesn't help either. But I keep my mouth shut and try to only yell encouraging things. My father keeps telling me I get too keyed up at games. My brother played travel hockey his whole life and I don't remember my dad EVER getting pissed off or too keyed up. (My mother of course never went to any games so that point is moot.) My father has conceded that travel sports are different than they were when we were kids. It is a lot more and a lot sooner. Geez, my 5th grader's soccer team practices more than my husband's high school hockey team did in the 1980's, and they won state championships (GBN still sucks though).

Why is it so much so soon now? Is it because as parents we demand it? Then why do we bitch and moan about schlepping to the practices and games? Is it because we really think our kid will go pro? Yeah right...I can just see all the little Jewish North Shore boys taking over the MLB, NBA and MLS in 10 years....Ooh, look out! They might have to start stocking challah and brown mustard at the concessions. Hmmm....maybe it is because our children are a reflection of ourselves? I can not take credit for ANY athletic ability in my kid. But it sure is fun when he scores. ;-)

What is it exactly that leads us to demand this type of activity level in our kids? Do you realize how many parents actually think that having sports practice is a viable excuse for not doing homework? Seriously! Clearly, *I* do not do that...but it is a not so uncommon occurrence in my classroom. I also recently listened to a parent explain that they don't go to church anymore and haven't been in 2 years except for Christmas and Easter because hockey is every Sunday. Really? Now, THOSE are the kind of parents we can raise our eyebrows at. What exactly would youth hockey do if EVERYONE said, "No, we can't play on Sundays. We have church or temple."? The boys I knew in Sunday school played sports and went to religious school...it didn't have to be one or the other back then.

It continues though...because as much as parents complain, they LIKE it. They like being the parent who sacrifices for their kid to get to every game. They like being the parent of the star pitcher or the kid who scores the winning goal. Or, they HOPE to be that parent. And deep down, there is nothing wrong with that...if you can control yourself and maintain a calm, patient and nurturing outward demeanor.

And that can be MUCH harder than it looks. ;-)

My Non-New Years Resolutions:

Traditionally I do not make New Years resolutions because, well...because I never keep them. I tried the "lose weight", "quit smoking" etc...ones in the past and they never last. I did lose weight AND quit smoking but I did both over a summer a few years back. And if you ever want a fool proof way to quit and you have kids of your own, email me and I'll tell you. Any-hoo....(And who else HATES it when people say that?? I think Mrs. Poole from "The Hogan Family" used to say that all the time.) Here are some things that I resolve to do in 2009. Are they resolutions? Nah, statements maybe...promises perhaps, but NOT resolutions:

1. I will do my best to keep on AT&T to get U-Verse to my neighborhood. As God is my witness, I WILL get Comcast out of my life, if it is the last thing I do on this earth.

2. I will continue to watch as much television as possible. Please reference one of my earliest Notes. TV is GOOD! It is educational, informative, entertaining and necessary to a happy, healthy life. People who "don't watch tv" are either lying, have a superiority complex, or they are just stupid. And I don't like stupid people, or people who work for Comcast....

3. I will continue to frequent Bally's Hi/Low and Kwando classes. I don't care if the place is a bit dirty or they declare bankruptcy AGAIN. If they are open I will be there. Group ex classes there are about as much fun as an adult can have with their clothes on....spandex optional.

4. I will continue to do things with my kids. I never want to be the mom who won't get her hair wet, sits on the bench holding coats or gets all berted out that a little rain will "make you sick". I will go down water slides, ride the rides at Great America (well, not The Eagle...that is insane), wrestle, play kickball, stay up all night playing video games and watching inappropriate movies and have snowball fights with my kids. One can be a good mother without doing these things, but it keeps you young when you PLAY.

5. I will continue to employ a babysitter every Saturday night so Tom and I can go out. Yes, some months money is very tight...but then we just go for a cheap dinner and hang out at Barnes and Noble afterwards. The being together part is what is important. Besides, the boys love it when they have a sitter...unlimited snacks and a late bedtime! And soon, I won't need a sitter! I can bribe them with a fraction of the money to stay alone and not kill each other.

6. I will continue to love my job, despite annoying people around me. I will not let the Debby-Downers in life get to me. I have a job where I get to laugh everyday, I work with friends and people who love what they do and do it well. Kids DO keep you young...sure some of them are annoying and occasionally (like every 4 or 5 years) there is a kid who has no redeeming qualities (it's true, really) but for the most part I love what I do and am thankful for the place where I work.

7. I will continue to eat junk food when needed....which is why #3 above is so important. Some days there is NOTHING like a Whopper with cheese.

8. I will continue to hate Comcast. It might become a way of life for me. But I promise to not let it jade me...it will just simmer under the surface for all my waking days.

9. I will remember to tune out certain family members when they are droning on and on and on and on and on....oops, sorry! I mean I will listen politely when they are discussing issues that do not pertain to me, that I can not relate to or that I really don't give a fig about at all. Instead of making snide retorts I will just put the phone on speaker and continue about my business with an occasional, "Uh huh," or "Wow, really?" It will make life easier than getting all worked up about stuff I really don't care about or that doesn't affect me. Does that sound selfish? Oh well, tough....it is self-preservation.

10. I will not allow people who don't undersand the importance of Facebook to bother me. After all, it is they who are missing out on all the fun, right? So what if my brother is a moron who thinks this is a waste of time because he already, "keeps in touch with everyone who matters"? I mean, actually that is pretty snobby, right?? I didn't know I wanted to keep in touch with half the people on my Friends list until they popped up! The fun is in the surprise of it all!! And if he ever does decide to break down and join FB, the fun of "I told you so" will last for a loooooooong time! ;-)

So really, these aren't resolutions...they are more like assertions or declarations. They are things I intend to do. That way, if I can't do some of them there will be someone else to blame for the failure, right?Because if you haven't figured it out yet.....not much is really my fault. It is all Comcast's fault. Everything. All over the world. I blame them.Ok, over and out and Happy New Year to everyone!!

Of Course...You Saw This One Coming...Things I am Thankful For:

I wasn't going to write this list because it seems so trite and far be it from me to ever be trite but what the heck...it is the holiday season!

1. Obviously, my family. Specifically Tom who is "one of the good ones". Although that doesn't mean it didn't take work to get him that way. And of course my boys...when they aren't being annoying to each other, messing things up and smelling bad they are pretty good kids. I appreciate that they both still want a hug and kiss goodnight from me. If they marry bitches that hate me and move to California I will at least be able to live with the memories of how they are now.

2. My job...not just because I HAVE one, which is nothing to joke about in these times, but also because I love it. I get to laugh everyday, I have friends that I get to see everyday and I am grateful to have known some families for years and they have shared their kids with me. Of course some parents suck....but none of them are on FB ;-).

3. That the country chose the right man to be president. 'Nuff said.

4. Cheap wine. Clearly when others are buying expensive wine is FABULOUS. But really, my palate is not so sensitive or snobby that after the first 2 glasses I even notice. Hell, I can even drink Chardonnay after a couple of glasses of something decent. (And admit it, some of you only order Chardonnay because everyone else does...really it IS like sucking on a flower....D.I.)...{And if you don't know what D.I. is stay tuned. If you do know...chime in! It is the slang of the future and you heard it here first.}

5. My friends (hmmm, I just noticed I put friends after drinking....verrrry interesting...). Seriously, I have wonderful friends. (And I'm sure they will all read this and agree, lol..sorry Melissa, I had to "lol" on that one. It has been days since I did that!!!) I know from past experience that I have friends I can count on in difficult times; friends that make me laugh and listen to me bitch; friends that are smart, fun and worth my time. You can't ask for much more. (Well, I COULD....but I'm trying to be grateful here, not greedy.)

6. My health and that of my kids. It can be fleeting and you can't take that for granted. No humor here...don't wanna tempt fate.

7. My Blackberry...Good god! How did I ever live without it?? Really, it is THE GREATEST thing ever. And yes, I realize the juxtaposition of being thankful for my BB right after being thankful for the health of my precious children, so shut up. I don't even care when people accuse me of being addicted to my Crackberry. They just soooo don't get it. In a fire, if my kids and Tom were safe, I'd go for the BB next...before the dog. It's true, you can be shocked. I don't care.

Now we can get frivolous...and no, the first 7 things were not frivolous. Wine and Blackberries are VERY important.

In no particular order here are some lesser things that I am thankful for:

Pasta...yumm-o. Especially pasta with red cream sauce from Italian Kitchen in Deerfield. Try it if you haven't...although you may feel the need to have an agioplasty or work out for 5 hours afterwards. Not my fault though, I don't make it...Oh, and if you send your husband or boyfreind there to pick it up don't be surprised if he wants to go back again SOON. There is a prety impressive pair of "girls" on the young lady that runs the counter. Usually when we order out from there it takes Tom, AJ and my father-in-law to go pick up the food.

Television...see previous notes on tv and why I love it. TV rocks and those who don't watch it are either lying or freaks. Or lying freaks....you decide.

High Speed Internet Access...mostly because I just like saying that...Oh, and without it FB would load even MORE SLOWLY. (Really, what is the deal with that? This is a pretty slow site...It's annoying. Sometimes I just go through my Blackberry to check things quickly!)

My Bowflex Treadclimber...it is as cool as the infomercial claims. It works your ass off and you can watch tv while doing it because it isn't that loud. Kind of combines 2 of my fav things in one. Plus, it keeps the weight off and gets in my cardio. It is sturdy and not too ugly to boot.

So...I know I am forgetting some things. But during this holiday season it is nice to stop and think about all the GOOD things. So..name something you are thankful for...no fair saying stuffing or pumpkin pie though. (And yes, I know I got to say pasta but this is MY list and I make the rules. So pony up, cowboy.)

Men...

You gotta love them...Yes, they make it difficult at times. And then, at other times, I am amazed...Some observations:

They are more live in the moment. Women are more fold the laundry and then live through a romance novel.Why does my husband wake up and think about what he wants to do for him that day while I wake up and think about where the kids are supposed to be?

Speaking of sleeping...why do they have to nap so much? They really don't work harder than women. I think of excessive napping as a weakness. Buck up and deal with life. Sleep is a waste of perfectly good time!

If they would just make a list every now and then they could save tons of time! The happiest day of my life was when Tom said to me, "Could you just write it all down?" It took a couple decades, but he is finally realizing I know what I'm doing ;-).

What is wrong with their arms that the can't actually reach into the dishwasher or the washing machine? Is this the same affliction that causes them to be unable to replace toilet paper rolls? I think this is also why boys have to be reminded 100 times a week to hold their penis when they pee...some kind of low muscle tone in the arm or something...

How exactly do they know where to put the WD-40 so that the annoying squeak vanishes from the screen door? I love that!Are some just born knowing how to dry wall and spackle? Is that even how you spell spackle?Some goes for splicing cable or whatever that is called...interesting that they can do that but not load the dishwasher.

Why do they love Home Depot and hate Bed, Bath and Beyond? It is the same idea really...Ok, HD is the mechanical stuff and BB&B is the decor...but still...you need BOTH to actually be done with the new bathroom.

Do you think they really know what all those tools in the tool box are for? Tom is VERY handy and "fix-it-y" but he really only uses a screwdriver, a wrench and those allen wrench things...It's all for show, right? Kind of like women who have all those fancy copper pots hanging from their kitchen ceilings. They don't use those either!

Why do we both live in the same same house (and have for 19 years) and he still isn't always sure what brand of stuff we use? Fascinating...again, the details don't bother men.

I think it is cool that they can shower in 90 seconds.

Why can they remember stats about sports (and pointless ones at that!) and have no idea what I said this morning about our plans for this evening?

And this is NOT my husband...but the dads who walk into the office at school and HAVE NO IDEA who their kid's teacher is just floor me every fricking year. I mean really, this is not 1970...Dads are actually involved in childrearing these days. ACT LIKE IT!

Speaking of which...dads in real life are really not as dumb as the ones on tv. But why is it so darn funny anyway? Tom and I agree that is the only "acceptable" form of discrimination left, "Anti-dadism"....tee hee. But even the lamest guys I know aren't as dumb as say, Jim Belushi on Everyone Loves Jim.

And thus the big secret is BUSTED. Men really aren't dumb...they just act like it to get out of doing stuff, right? The really bad part is that women let them get away with it! I had this conversation with a man recently...men act dumb to get out of chores etc...Early in a relationship women just say, "Fine forget it, I'll do it myself" due to lack of patience. Later on in the relationship, especially after kids are involved, women say that due to lack of TIME. I don't have time to explain everything darn thing every darn day...Easier to do it myself.

And of course, if I didn't do it myself I'd have no reason or right to pull the martyr card every so often either ;-).

Ok, just a few things that have been on my mind. Overall, I like men. They are generally easy to get along with and since I am rarely offended I find their humor fun. And of course, you need a good one around to fix stuff and carry crap from the car. And maybe for a few other things during the week...

Now if any men read this they can write their own bitchy "Women" list....oh wait, that involves planning ahead and list making ;-). Nevermind....

All the Things I Did Before 9:00 a.m. Today...

Some days it really is like I am a hamster on one of those wheel thingys. When I was in preschool my hamster Ernestine fell off the wheel and got caught and strangled between the cage wall and the wheel...I don't know why I bring that up except to illustrate that no good can come of running around in circles all darn day...So, here was my morning....Just wanted to share....

1. Alarm went off at 5:20 a.m. Worked out...40 minutes on the treadmill while watching the news and a REALLY old episode of Trading Spaces....Ty is so young and still cute and Page is way too perky for this early in the morning.

2. Showered, dressed, make-up, dried my hair. No need to shave my legs...it is almost winter ;-).

3. Checked email on my Blackberry. Respond to only union issues and one Facebook notification from someone with a question.

4. 7:00 a.m.-Woke up the boys...put clothes on one of them while he was still asleep. You guess...

5. Took breakfast orders while putting lunches, water bottles and snacks in backpacks. Got my own lunch ready...found my school id badge.

6. Get to Starbuck's at 7:35....venti coffee. Darn! Did not see my fake boyfriend there today (shhhh, don't tell Tom).

7. 7:50-arrive at school. If they ever put a ledge up by the front door maybe I can get in with my key card without having to put down one bag or spill coffee on my sleeve.

8. Xerox a whole bunch of math stuff...ok, not really because the machine did that dumb thing where it just beeps and then won't auto-feed the page. I HATE THAT!!!

9. Talk to Jeanne about union stuff coming up...and people that annoy us and we wish we could punch.

10. Go through mail, check voice mail, check email. Respond to all...ok, only the pressing ones and the parents that need answers about the book report NOW. Because you know, since I have HARDLY discussed the assignment at school, posted it on my blog, put it in my weekly newsletter all month and sent home a packet about it 3 weeks ago it is totally feasible that they are confused...

11. Kids in at 8:45. Why are some of them still wearing shorts?

12. Accepted notes about playdates and early leaving...these kids have more doctors appointments than the Gosling sextuplets. Gathered late homework from the usual offenders. Almost missed the Pledge on the intercom. How come those 5th graders are so darn loud at recess but so wimpy sounding on the intercom? LOL.

13. Go through the schedule for the day and answer the same question 5 times about why we don't have recess in the afternoon...Hello, my lovelies, it is late October...We have NEVER had afternoon recess on Mondays.

14. Start Math...and realize I DID need that sheet that the machine wouldn't xerox back in #8.....Time to IMPROVISE!!I'm hungry...when is LUNCH??????How much had you accomplished by 9:00 a.m. today?? ;-)

Things That Are Harder Than They Look....

Some things are supposed to be difficult, or else everyone would do them. For example...climbing Mt Everest. When people die attempting to complete a task such as this you can assume that it isn't supposed to be easy no matter how much money you have. (If you don't know what they means read John Krakauer's Into Thin Air. This is a great book...interesting, educational, voyeuristic, scary and very sad, but I digress...)Then, on the other hand some things are just easy to do like say, making fun of poor Britney Spears or wasting an afternoon watching Deadliest Catch. These are things that are no-brainers and Jessica Simpson could do them, even while eating a tunafish sandwich.Ok then, back to the idea at hand. Some things APPEAR easy but they aren't. They fool you, and sometimes you end up looking like a fool, lol....For example:

1. Carrying a try of 3 or 4 Starbuck's drinks and trying to get into your car. Should be easy, right? You have them in a tray and you have a clicker on your key chain to open the car door lock. Still...it always ends up with me spilling someone's coffee on my car seat or my car door slamming on my arm or leg as I try to sit down. They have drive through Starbuck's..how about curbside service? It can't be too far off, right? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

2. Helping an 8 year old with homework he doesn't want to do. Yes, I'm the adult. Yes, I'm a TEACHER. Still, I occasionally end up saying things like, "You will do this and you will stop complaining about it or you will go right to your room!" Helllooo? When did my mother arrive??

3. Trying to split a dinner bill 6 even ways and add the tip after several bottles of wine have been consumed. And yes, even when cell phone calculators are involved it isn't easy. Those buttons are LITTLE.

4. Trying to explain to your father (who spent his pre-retirement years as a BRAIN SURGEON, no joke) how to save email addresses in his address book so he doesn't have to retype them EVERY time. Oy...

5. Logging in to some account I only use occasionally when my password can be one of about 10 different permutations of the ones I use. Then I get booted off, then I have to request my password via email or register with a new account and another email, then I have to start all over. All because I want to order someone a damn cookie bouquet! It would have been quicker to just call!

6. Dropping off a committee at work that I don't want to be on. It is never pretty when your boss begs. Seriously....it should be easy, but I'm a sucker for flattery. I know, I'm so shallow. Shut up.

7. The fist of an 8 year old flailing around in jest. No, Mommy is fine....I'll just lay here on the floor for a moment...

8. Cleaning all the pieces of a Brookfield Zoo map left in my jeans pocket out of the washing machine. Soggy confetti, anyone?

9. Being organized. It takes a lot of work to make lists, know what crap is where in my house and get places on time! Don't let any organized, responsible person tell you differently. It is not that easy, but we make it look easy so others can be jealous and annoyed....you just get used to it because the alternative it just plain wrong ;-).

10. Finding a babysitter for every Saturday night. #9 helps a lot because generally I plan a month ahead of time. Parents who don't have a sitter the day before some big event just kill me....but I get it. It is hard! Teenagers want to have social lives, the nerve! I mean really...they have the rest of their lives to go out. Our time is waning and limited!!

11. Driving anywhere on the Edens. It just sucks. Should be easy, but it isn't. It might take 20 minutes to get downtown and then it might take 90. No rhyme or reason...and it pisses me off!

12. Keeping the interior of your car clean when you have kids. No matter how hard I try...My car used to be PRISTINE. Now, if there are only a few straw wrappers and some ground up Goldfish on the floor I'm thrilled. People with clean cars and no kids should just shut up. They don't know.

13. Cooking something the right way in the microwave the first time. When the box says "Temperatures in ovens may vary" they aren't lying. Case in point: microwave popcorn. The next part of this is that getting rid of the smell of burnt microwave popcorn should be easy, but it's not! Open the windows, spray Oust, lemon juice, boil coffee, vinegar....all the internet "fixes" DON'T WORK. You just have to wait 6-10 days and it goes away....or maybe I'm just used to it now.

14. Writing these lists...it isn't that easy to keep you people entertained. But I'm trying....;-) Thanks for the encouragement.So...that is just off the top of my head.

I know I'm missing stuff. Feel free to jump in here anytime, folks. Make it look easy....I dare you. ;-)

Why the word "whatever" is the most fabulous word...

The word "whatever" can mean SOOO many things. It can convey just about anything. I use it all the time, and it has gotten me in trouble, out of trouble, more work piled on my plate, and even pregnant (well, ok, just ONCE)....But usually, it just says so much without saying too much. Examples:

1. To express unhappiness with a chosen restaurant...."Amy, how about Stoney River for dinner tonight?""Whatever, I don't care.""Would you rather go to DiPescara?""Oh, that's a good idea!"(See? One word and I get the restaurant I wanted, and he thinks it was HIS idea.)

2. To sway the outcome of something at work..."Do you think I should send this home to the parents?""Whatever. Although it might be too much.""So, maybe I should wait and tell them about it after the book report is due?""That might be a better idea."(Got the assignment to go my way without being too bossy!)

3. To express anger at my children..."Mom, I need that shirt I put in the wash TODAY!""Whatever AJ, I'll just take care of that after I make the lunches, fold the laundry, pick up the dry cleaning and find something for dinner.""Ugh, fine forget it if you're gonna be so mean!""Ok, thanks for understanding, oh-child-of my-heart."(Just a little reminder to them that MOM is the one who really does all the work.)

4. To deal with the unexpected things at work that might otherwise push me over the edge..."Amy, you are getting another new kid in your class tomorrow. We have no info on her and she is from out of state.""Whatever!" If said with a smile I seem very enthusiastic and accepting while of course all I am thinking is, "Her last name better start with 'Z' or my grade book and mail boxes will be out of ABC order for the rest of the year!!"

5. To feign support towards my mom when she is listing all the things I need to do to help her on a holiday when I am the only daughter/daughter-in-law who works full time outside the house."I need you to pick up the dessert. And I forgot foil, ziplocs and parsley so can you stop at Jewel? Oh, and we need another booster seat. Can you find one in your garage?""Sure Mom, whatever I can do to help."(Then of course I yell at Tom to go to the bakery and get his butt out to the garage...can't wait until AJ is old enough to send into Jewel on his own!)

The best part about the word is that underneath people think you might be pissed, but you are going along with them so they can't REALLY call you out on it, lol...Oh wait, is that passive aggressive or manipulative of me? Me? No, never!

Things I Still Need (or Want, or Would Like) To Do:

1. Dance on a bar, look good doing it, and have strangers throw money at me. (Ok, well, it would need to be a CLEAN bar...and all the strangers need to have all their teeth.)

2. Tell off a cashier who is being bitchy and acting like *I* am wasting her time when *I* am the one spending money.

3. Say no at work.

4. Meet Robert Scorpio (or Mac, I'm not picky at this point...plus, Robert may or may not be dying of a brain tumor...)

5. Stop checking up on my kids when they say that things are in their backpacks ready for school...I know, I'm an enabling Mommy and a teacher who does not practice what she preaches. Sue me, I'm human.

6. Leave the house without making the fricking beds...I used to ALL THE TIME in my younger days. Why can't I anymore?

7. Stop giving money to Channel 11 out of guilt. I have paid my dues....Bozo is dead, the boys are long done with Barney and the Teletubbies and everything else on there is British and boring and angst-ridden.

8. Learn to prune the rose bushes outside my house before someone is brutally maimed by the renegade thorns and branches.

9. Cut the cord on friendships I have outgrown. (If you think this might be you, it might be...)

10. Eat more veggies.

11. Floss at least 3 times a week...or at least more than the day before a cleaning at the dentist.

12. Read some classic book that seems boring...maybe I'll like it. Anyone have any suggestions?

13. Try to spend one day without judging anyone else and see if I feel better about myself. I probably won't because really, what is the fun in that? But I could at least say I tried.

14. Have a day at school where we eat candy, watch a movie and draw pictures all day...but I'd have to swear the kids to secrecy and probably even threaten them. And eventually someone would tell on me...Even being union VP wouldn't save me from being called in on that one.

15. Say what everyone wants to say but is too scared to say to __________. (Can't even put her name...too scary!)

16. Get hit on by a former student who doesn't realize who I am. (Don't be disgusted, my first few classes of students are in their mid to late 20's at this point, there has to be at least one or two that MIGHT go for me, right?? ;-).)

17. Smoke again for JUST A FEW DAYS.

18. Swim with dolphins.

19. Pet an Orca.

20. Punch Ann Coulter.

21. Win the Lotto...doesn't have to be MILLIONS. Just several hundred thousand would do. Pay off the house, buy a new car...put some away for the boys and buy one of everything at Ann Taylor Loft.

22. Learn to make banana bread so I don't have to throw away all those bananas every week.

23. Trip that mean girl who called Ryder fat and ugly.

24. Have enough expedable income to some day take the boys to Disney World.

Not a real "wow" of a list...I have NO desire to bungee jump, climb a mountain or anything else that might cause my untimely death. I also am not patient or hard working enough to write a novel or cure cancer. But it would be exciting, cathartic and in some cases just fun, to do the above.

Things I Love...

One of the first lists I posted on Facebook...

I realize my last notes were kind of bitching about stuff....So here is a happy one. Because of course I am NOTHING if not happy and optimistic ;-). I love....

1. My family, of course. Notwithstanding the fact that some people I grew up with might be a teensy-tiny bit wacko.

2. My children...the bonus being they are still at the age where they love me a lot. I get hugs, kisses goodnight and they want to watch tv in my bed with me at night...even when the Olympics aren't on.

3. My job....I get to laugh everyday and I can go out to recess on nice days.

4. TAB...Yes, they still make it. You just aren't looking hard enough.

5. Reading...I love being in a book club and meeting and talking. I love good books and trashy books (even though sometimes those books make me feel like it has been too long since someone ripped my clothes off with reckless abandon, or something to that effect).

6. Being the "good" daughter.

7. Having some experiences in life that pissed me off or depressed me at the time, but now I realize they taught me much.

8. General Hospital and LOST....Mac Scorpio, Jason Morgan, Jack Shepard and Sawyer....'nuff said.

9. The new Jamoca Oreo ice cream at Baskin Robbins...yum!

10. Ann Taylor Loft.

11. Kathy's Kwando class at Bally's...sweat hard and feel it the next day.

12. My friends....the ones that I think of calling about stuff before I think of calling people I am related to.

13. My Blackberry....seriously, besides fertility treatmentsit was the smartest thing I ever spent my money on. (And there were no homone shots involved.)

14. My house. It is cute and yellow (Tom just repainted the whole exterior and it looks so great!).

15. Pasta.That is a pretty good list, isn't it? It makes me sound like the happy person I think I am. :-)