Friday, March 13, 2009

Things That Are Harder Than They Look....

Some things are supposed to be difficult, or else everyone would do them. For example...climbing Mt Everest. When people die attempting to complete a task such as this you can assume that it isn't supposed to be easy no matter how much money you have. (If you don't know what they means read John Krakauer's Into Thin Air. This is a great book...interesting, educational, voyeuristic, scary and very sad, but I digress...)Then, on the other hand some things are just easy to do like say, making fun of poor Britney Spears or wasting an afternoon watching Deadliest Catch. These are things that are no-brainers and Jessica Simpson could do them, even while eating a tunafish sandwich.Ok then, back to the idea at hand. Some things APPEAR easy but they aren't. They fool you, and sometimes you end up looking like a fool, lol....For example:

1. Carrying a try of 3 or 4 Starbuck's drinks and trying to get into your car. Should be easy, right? You have them in a tray and you have a clicker on your key chain to open the car door lock. always ends up with me spilling someone's coffee on my car seat or my car door slamming on my arm or leg as I try to sit down. They have drive through Starbuck' about curbside service? It can't be too far off, right? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

2. Helping an 8 year old with homework he doesn't want to do. Yes, I'm the adult. Yes, I'm a TEACHER. Still, I occasionally end up saying things like, "You will do this and you will stop complaining about it or you will go right to your room!" Helllooo? When did my mother arrive??

3. Trying to split a dinner bill 6 even ways and add the tip after several bottles of wine have been consumed. And yes, even when cell phone calculators are involved it isn't easy. Those buttons are LITTLE.

4. Trying to explain to your father (who spent his pre-retirement years as a BRAIN SURGEON, no joke) how to save email addresses in his address book so he doesn't have to retype them EVERY time. Oy...

5. Logging in to some account I only use occasionally when my password can be one of about 10 different permutations of the ones I use. Then I get booted off, then I have to request my password via email or register with a new account and another email, then I have to start all over. All because I want to order someone a damn cookie bouquet! It would have been quicker to just call!

6. Dropping off a committee at work that I don't want to be on. It is never pretty when your boss begs. should be easy, but I'm a sucker for flattery. I know, I'm so shallow. Shut up.

7. The fist of an 8 year old flailing around in jest. No, Mommy is fine....I'll just lay here on the floor for a moment...

8. Cleaning all the pieces of a Brookfield Zoo map left in my jeans pocket out of the washing machine. Soggy confetti, anyone?

9. Being organized. It takes a lot of work to make lists, know what crap is where in my house and get places on time! Don't let any organized, responsible person tell you differently. It is not that easy, but we make it look easy so others can be jealous and just get used to it because the alternative it just plain wrong ;-).

10. Finding a babysitter for every Saturday night. #9 helps a lot because generally I plan a month ahead of time. Parents who don't have a sitter the day before some big event just kill me....but I get it. It is hard! Teenagers want to have social lives, the nerve! I mean really...they have the rest of their lives to go out. Our time is waning and limited!!

11. Driving anywhere on the Edens. It just sucks. Should be easy, but it isn't. It might take 20 minutes to get downtown and then it might take 90. No rhyme or reason...and it pisses me off!

12. Keeping the interior of your car clean when you have kids. No matter how hard I try...My car used to be PRISTINE. Now, if there are only a few straw wrappers and some ground up Goldfish on the floor I'm thrilled. People with clean cars and no kids should just shut up. They don't know.

13. Cooking something the right way in the microwave the first time. When the box says "Temperatures in ovens may vary" they aren't lying. Case in point: microwave popcorn. The next part of this is that getting rid of the smell of burnt microwave popcorn should be easy, but it's not! Open the windows, spray Oust, lemon juice, boil coffee, vinegar....all the internet "fixes" DON'T WORK. You just have to wait 6-10 days and it goes away....or maybe I'm just used to it now.

14. Writing these isn't that easy to keep you people entertained. But I'm trying....;-) Thanks for the encouragement.So...that is just off the top of my head.

I know I'm missing stuff. Feel free to jump in here anytime, folks. Make it look easy....I dare you. ;-)

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