Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Stuff That Sucks About Being An Adult

There are plenty advantages to being an adult...you can go to a bar, you make your own money (hopefully), you can make your own choices blah, blah, blah...But there are some things that suck eggs about being an adult. Wouldn't it be so awesome to be able to take a vacation from adulthood for a while? There really aren't too many years in my life I'd relive in real time...except maybe junior and senior year in college. But the past would be a great place to visit, huh? Then you would not need to deal with some of the following:

1. Working...I love my job. I get to laugh, I get to get messy and I get recess. But some days it would be just be oh-so-fab to sleep the day away, hang out on my own and have no consequences. I wouldn't have had to make lesson plans the day before that some dumb sub wouldn't follow, I wouldn't have to come back to work and clean up literal and figurative messes and I wouldn't have let anyone down.

2. Being the one in charge...Now listen, I like being the "boss" at home and in my classroom. But when things are tough or get icky I wish Calgon would take me away. I will never forget a HUGE, "Oh, my!" moment several years ago. It was in school the first week, I was with the class and suddenly a boy (didn't even know his name yet!) fainted dead away and smashed face first onto the tile floor. Seriously, I first looked around and then realized, "Holy crap, I'm the adult in charge of this!!" WTF? Now all turned out well, the kid was nervous and overheated, I guess. But that feeling of, "things are going downhill quickly and I'm the one who is supposed to keep it all together" was momentarily overpowering. Times like that you want some totally in control REAL grown up to come forward and say, "Step aside, I know exactly what to do so it all turns out ok!"

3. Still having your parents think you are a kid...Now, while I don't always want to be in control of scary situations I DO want to be in control of my life situations. No matter how old you are there are some things you dread telling Mom or Dad because you just KNOW that even over the phone they are judging and rolling their eyes. I don't think this will ever change though, until I put them away somewhere that feeds them oatmeal and lets them play Wii bowling all day.

4. Taxes and all that crap...Obviously this stuff sucks. I am a Democrat until I die and I might even be a Socialist. But when I dare to glance at the "gross" pay column on my check I sometimes get a teensy, tiny bit pissed off. I think that is normal though, right? RIGHT??

5. Realizing life isn't getting any longer...I don't feel old. I don't even think I look all that bad for my advanced age. But according to a USA Today article the average American women lives to about 80 years old. My life is more than half over, same with most of you reading this. Sorry to be a huge buzz kill, but I can't always spread sunshine and unicorns everywhere I go. And why should I ruminate about this on my own when I have a semi-captive (and apparently aging) audience?

6.Saying no to stuff you don't want to say no to...Like eating junk, double desserts, buying a new flat screen tv. Part of the GOOD stuff about being an adult is that you could theoretically "do what you want" but the sucky part is that you know you can't have your cake and eat it too. Sucks.

7. Lying to your kids for their own good... Hey, I'd love to be honest with my kids about stuff I've done and REALLY talk to them about mistakes and bad experiments. But then for sure they will think they can do it too, since it turned out ok for me. So, I have to lie and put the fear into them. It makes me feel like a hypocrite but that is one of the downsides of parenting. Eventually I can talk to them more honestly...but it is better to put the fear of a horrific lung-cancer filled death into a 10 year old than to explain my on and off through the years smoking issues (and that's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg). Oh, and you also have to lie about things like, "No, Mommy and Daddy will never die. We will take care of you for as long as you need us to." You can't tell a 5 year old that you can drop at any moment and there is no telling the future...That would be bad parenting. And lead to years of therapy...

8. When the basement floods, the sewer line from the house needs to be replaced or the furnace explodes in the middle of a November night...and yes, this has all happened in our family. These are the kind of "adult" issues that I flip out about. Tom handles these things much better than I do, thank goodness. There is little in this world worse than water issues, though. Rogue flooding was one reason we had to move 5 years ago...it about pushed me over the edge. The smell of wet carpeting will never leave my subconscious and those of you who have experienced this have to agree, right? These household problems are in the category of, "Why am I in charge of this? And why does it cost so much?" Grrrrrrr...sucks!

9. Knowing that the world is random and not always fair...I guess I always knew this but once you become a parent this knowledge can be paralyzing if you let it. This is why some people become obsessive, compulsive or turn into helicopter parents. You just have to deal and move forward and think about the fact that randomness CAN be good. Like, you COULD be the Lotto winner or the 21st caller. Concentrate on that.

10. Consequences for bad choices....once you reach a certain age you can't just live by the, "I hope you've learned a lesson," thing. You have to accept the consequences of your actions. Bummer. It is so much easier to blame others ;-).

Well, geez, this was a depressing list! Sorry folks....I'll work on something more uplifting for next time. I don't know what came over me. Hopefully I've covered everything though...if there is more perhaps you should keep it to yourself. We wouldn't want to be responsibile for people on the Friend list needing more therapy or new meds...

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