People I'd Have Dinner With....Or Famous People Who Don't Annoy Me

So, I know this is a game of sorts...name 3 people you'd like to be stuck with on a island or 3 people you'd have dinner with, blah, blah, blah. But surprisingly, I have given this some thought. And the rules are mine...people can be living or dead and obviously the definition of "famous" is entirely MINE:

1. JFK...I have a thing for him. Check out my Shelfari page...I've read about 30 books about him. If I could have dinner with him it would trump the fact that I can't answer the question, "Where were you when JFK was shot?"

2. Bill Clinton...Love Bill. I know he has very male/egocentric tendencies. But still, I think he'd be fun to hang with. He knows stuff and people and all that. Then maybe after dinner he can jam with Tom's band. Cool!

3. Hillary Clinton...Yep, her too. But I think I'd dine with her separately from Bill. I don't want to feel left out or anything. She seems smart, and she knows people too. I would want to know what she REALLY thinks about Barack. Do you think she is over that already? I think she might be because clearly, she is fine with forgiving men who humiliate her in public as long as she gets something out of the deal. Some might call that door-mat like...I call it self-preservation.

4. Finola Hughes...I am in love with her. The woman I'd switch sides for, really. But I'd want her to pretend to be Anna Devane for part of dinner. Anna can kick 3 guys' asses, solve a crime and look great...all in high heeled boots! She is beautiful and tough. If you don't know who she is, Google her...she has lost some weight lately though. She was a bit hotter when she was curvier back in the GH hey-days.

5. Nora Roberts...How does she write ALL those romance novels every year? She can't possibly do it all alone, although that's her story and she is sticking to it, right? But she does write fab-o romance entertainment. She has got it all in her books...some suspense, some women who are tough, but not bitchy, men who are just sensitive enough but not wussy, hot sex scenes and enough action but not too much so that it distracts from the sex. I would however, help her come up with some new names...I have noticed that she reuses some.

6. Sig Hansen...Everyone knows I love Sig (although I was a bit disappointed that he refused to help Keith with his bait problem recently). He is street (or sea, lol) smart, but not book stupid. He is a planner (love that in a man!!) and he is family oriented. Plus, again I will say it...you gotta adore a guy who risks his life to bring you shellfish. That's hot! Do you think he is sick of crab? Or, would it be ok for me to order that when we nosh?

7. Eleanor Roosevelt...What was she really thinking all those years when FDR was half-paralyzed and messing around with Lucy Mercer? I am dying to know. And she worked hard for the downtrodden, you have to respect that. If her personal life wasn't such a mess (and so conflicted) would she still have been like that? Or, was she trying to do what she could to ignore her personal life? Questions, questions...Plus, in this day and age an Invisiline would do wonders for her profile.

8. Dwayne "Dog" Chapman and Beth...Love Dog! He would have great stories and I am sure we'd get great service in whatever restaurant we chose. Who is gonna mess with the Big, Bad Dog?? Also, I would ask Beth why she has opted against reduction when they can certainly afford it these days. She is going to have major back problems, if she doesn't already.

9. Kelly Ripa...She is adorable and funny. She'd be fun and I'm sure she'd like me too. I'm nothing if not adorable. Maybe she'd even bring her hot hubby too.

10. David Letterman...I love his dry humor and it would be great to try and make him laugh. He is a smart guy and he would be fun to talk to. I have some questions...How does he really feel about Leno? How is his mom? (Remember years ago when she used to do the Olympic Games coverage for him? That was hysterical!) Does he really not like Oprah? (Because that was funny, IMHO.) and Is Paul really a freak in real life or does he just play one on tv?

So...I could probably think of more if I gave it some time. But these are off the top of my head so you are getting complete honesty here. Thoughts? Do you agree with any of my choices? Who would you have dinner with if you could pick anyone at all? Chime in...

My Name is Amy and I am a Magazine-o-holic...

How many magazine subscriptions do I have? Hmmmm....I am not positive and I get confused when I try to list them verbally. So, I am going to come clean here with you oh-so-non-judgmental people (Hannah and Brian V. excepted, of course...). I like magazines for a few reasons...they are pretty and colorful and have lots of pictures. You can READ them and I like that, 'cuz reading is fun and good for your brain. I like it that you pay your subscription and then they just COME TO YOUR HOUSE like a present every week or month...like a ray of literary sunshine when I get home from work and check the mail!There are so many kinds of magazines...serious, newsy, fun, trashy, gossipy, fashiony, home improvementy, family-y etc....

Ok, here goes, I think I can name all the ones I currently get...in no particular order:

1. Soap Opera Digest (weekly)...I have read it for years. It offers recaps and spoilers so it kept me afloat in soap news even when I wasn't watching RELIGIOUSLY. And I can keep up with All My Children and One Life to Live now and only watch them sometimes. Of course, General Hospital is a constant...mobsters and inept cops and hospitals on fire are always FUN!

2. People (weekly)...I wanted People for years but it is so expensive. Finally last year I broke down and ordered it. It is great...VERY pretty pictures. And it has the air of "almost respectable" in terms of entertainment mags. They get all the good interviews and reveals of long-awaited celeb offspring.

3. Entertainment Weekly (weekly, duh!) I love this magazine. It has movies, tv, books and music. Plus, Diablo Cody and Stephen King write columns for it and they are very funny.

4. TV Guide (weekly)...This magazine SUCKS and I am waiting for it to run out in a year or so. Haven't looked at it in a year except when LOST or Dancing With the Stars is on the cover. It doesn't even give the shows for all time slots...it ends at midnight or something. WTF?? Plus, it is superfluous now that you can check cable or the ever-magical dvr listings.

5. In Style (monthly)...Pretty pictures but not enough to actually read. I like looking at the fashion stuff and some of it actually is from H&M or GAP or places that normal people can afford. They give too much space to Heidi Klum though, and I DO NOT LIKE HER or her fawning, annoying husband Seal. (And why is that his name anyway? Listen, I named my kid a noun too...but not an ANIMAL...)

6. Glamour (monthly)...Good articles and fashion. And you can't beat "Glamour Do's and Don'ts" for a laugh each month. Although sometimes the cover blurbs need to be covered up from prying eyes, IYKWIM. I love a sex article as much as the next person but I shouldn't have to explain to a 10 year old that, "How to leave him panting every night!" has nothing to do with the family dog.

7. Women's Health (monthly)...If you don't get this magazine you may want to check it out! It has good tips and really good articles. The articles are about health (duh!), relationships, careers and nutrition usually. I like this periodical (good library word, Amy!) a lot. I have gotten some good exercises from it and quite a few laughs at how they discuss some issues.

8. The Week (you guess, lol!)...This magazine ROCKS! My friend Jeanne started getting it a while back and told me about it. It gives you brief synopses of everything each week. It goes through national news and international news. It also reviews movies, books and new music and gives a preview of stuff to not miss that week on tv. It is not blatantly liberal or conservative...my dad doesn't mind The Week all and we differ quite a bit politically ;-). If you read this magazine you will be up on current events and you can seem pretty smart at business-y parties!

9. Real Simple (monthly)...Now listen, in case you don't get this yet, I am not very domestic (shut up). But I love this magazine! If I cooked, I'd try all the recipes....if I decoupaged I'd have frames and jewelry boxes up the wazoo! This magazine is chock full of great ideas and tips! See how excited I get and I don't even use any of the ideas?? Oh, and pretty pictures. I always think I will send in one of the "Question of the Month" ideas and win another year of the magazine or something...but I never get around to it. I guess I am busy reading other magazines, lol...

10. Newsweek (weekly)...Keeps me up on current affairs, er, events. Sometimes the real news is boring though and I just read the back page and the cartoons.

11. TIME (weekly)...See Newsweek above. Same goes.

12. Self (monthly)...Kind of a cross between Women's Health and Glamour. I have gotten some good work out tips here and they have decent celebs in it each month. There is humor in it too...doesn't take things too seriously like Glamour or In Style does sometimes.

13. Lucky (monthly)...And yes, I put that at number 13 on purpose, lol. I'm on the fence with this one. I like the fashion stuff but everytime I like something it costs like $495. There are not that many affordable things in this magazine. I was planning on letting it run out but apparently I am on some perpetual, auto renewal program.

14. The Atlantic (monthly, I think)...My dad got me this subscription for Hanukkah. I have not read an issue yet. It looks serious and boring although he really thinks I will like it so I don't have the heart to tell him I haven't read it yet. Anyone out there read this? Is it all Republican-y??

15. Family Fun (monthly)...I have no idea how or when I signed up for this. The major premise of this magazine seems to be thematic cupcake recipes and "rainy day" projects that require lots of egg cartons, googly eyes and glue gun supplies. Neither one is my forte...

16. The Deerfield Review (weekly)...Community news etc...They seem to have backed off the mostly Lincolnshire bent of a few years ago and since that psycho at DHS quit her constant barrage of homophobic, right wing letters has stopped, so things are better with the Review, IMHO. Also, the sports section is good...they always print the travel soccer stuff I send them for AJ's team.

I think that is all...Although chances are good that I forgot one or two magazines, lol. What is your favorite magazine? And does anyone get more mags than I do? Yes, that is a challenge!!

Things That Make Me Laugh...

I have a pretty good sense of humor...I mean, I spend most of my days with kids. Ya gotta love to laugh and be able to find humor in much, right? But some things get me consistently...

1.Ryder Brandon Schmitz: My younger son is a crack up. Everytime the kids opens his mouth it is guaranteed to be a gem. He is the kid who told me that Jesus died on the potty (and then his older brother pointed out that he must be mixing up Jesus with Elvis). He is also the kid who informed me that wheelchairs can kill you...no idea why though. I have to repeat everything 50 times because he never listens, he would rather play video games than breathe, he refuses to change his underwear and he quotes "Family Guy" at very inopportune times.

As a friend once told me, "You are Ryder's mother because you spent all those years telling everyone at school that you LIKE difficult, challenging boys in your classroom."

2. Three and a Half Men: I don't know what it is about this show. I never watched it when it began but the 10:30 p.m. reruns on WGN are "must see tv". I do not think this show is prime time fodder...SO inappropriate! But it cracks me up...who doesn't like Charlie Sheen as a slutty, hard drinking ego-maniac in a bowling shirt and Duckie as a loser chiropractor? And the real life parents of the kid who plays Jake? What the heck are those people thinking? Tee hee...glad they are morons and let their kid be a part of that show for MY amusement.

3. Explaining tv and record players (or anything else we had "back in the day") when we were kids to my class: Seriously, I had to bring in vinyl this year to show my class what albums are! They were flabbergasted..."How did you rewind it?"; "You can't play THAT in a car!" OMG...talk about a teachable moment!! Kids also can't get over tv when we were kids...4 or 5 channels? ; No remote . I love scaring children ;-).

4. Jason and Spinelli on General Hospital: Ok, so this is obscure for most of you. But their scenes are priceless. Spinelli's over the top vocabulary and Jason's deadpan "mobster with a heart of gold" schtick are the greatest thing on daytime tv since Luke and Laura dancing through Wyndym's Department Store.

5. Stupid movies: Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Slapshot....Love that crap! If I have to sit and watch a movie I don't usually want to THINK. I can do that all day at work; I need to laugh and what is funnier than Bill Murray covered in slime?

6. Hannah and Brian: Friends with whom I can be completely innappropriate. Only they know the things I do not believe in and the thing that is NOT as bad as making Thanksgiving dinner for 10. The rest of you can use your imagination...

7. Calvin and Hobbes: Their creator Bill Watterson is a genius. Calvin is the kid I'd love to have in my classroom but be beside myself if I had to live with him. And seriously, the vocabulary in those strips is fabulous. My kids have learned so many descriptive words from Calvin it's ri-goddamn-diculous.

8. My job: I get to laugh everyday. Whether it is something a child says inadvertently, or not....It is a rare day that I don't LOL for real. And yes, sometimes they tell me things about Mom and Dad and THAT is why I can't look at you at conferences. ;-)

So...what makes you laugh without abandon each day??

Things That Never Go Out Of Style...

There are some things that are timeless, like it or not.

1. Manners...Yes, that's a cliche, but it is true. Actually manners is the topic for a whole 'nother list....so I won't shoot my wad here. Let's just say that being well mannered will win you friends and make you look civilized. Like, if someone holds the door open for you at Starbucks SAY THANK YOU, pig-face!

2. Black pants...When in doubt, wear them. A funeral, a bar mitzvah, to work, out to dinner. Always acceptable...well, not to the pool or beach, then you'd just look like a freak on a day pass.

3. GH...General Hospital will always be in style. The fashion is great, the guys are hot and references are topical (a little Disney-centric, but hey, that is ABC for you.)

4. Cowboy boots...Cheesy? Absolutely not! Butter my butt and call me a biscuit...Cowboy boots are hot!! And if you don't like it I can kick you in the ass and then I bet you'd quit arguing. ;-)

5. Black tie weddings...Class never goes out of style. I don't like it when people have "destination" weddings..mostly because all the ones I've ever been invited to I can't afford to fly to. That sucks because I LOVE WEDDINGS! And if you are getting married the least you can do for the those of us who have to spend oodles on gifts, showers, sitters etc...is let us dress up pretty!

6. Loyalty...Be true to your friends. Two faced rudeness went out with junior high. Stick up for colleagues even if they don't always deserve it...you may need their help one day. Say what you will about some colleagues privately, but don't say anything to TPTB. I will not be responsible for someone losing their job or getting written up. Being a good person who can look themselves in the mirror never goes out of style!

7. Fondue...How can you ever go wrong with cooking little pieces of meat over a tiny flame in hot oil? Fun and yummy! Mmmmmm!! It is dinner and a show!

8. James Taylor songs...They are good if you are depressed, lonely, feeling romantic or just wanna sing along. I love James Taylor. I know most words to most songs...even the ones I don't like (like "Steamroller") or dumb ones (like "Gorilla"). Seriously, put "Something in the Way She Moves" or "Carolina on My Mind" on and see if you don't feel better. It will work...and then there is always "You've Got a Friend". That might be cheesy, but it will make you smile if you sing it really loudly in the car with a loyal friend.

9. Speaking your mind...I don't mean being rude or overly opinionated (perish the thought!) but speak up for what you believe, who you believe in and what you need. If you don't, you won't be able to live with yourself. And there ain't nothing stylish about that!

10. Kindness...go above and beyond once in a while. It will make you feel good and it helps someone else. Offer to watch a friend's kids, pay the dinner tab for a friend, bring soup to a shut-in. Ok, well I have never done that...yet. But I have done the other two, I swear!

11. A good book...Reading stuff online is easy and very convenient. That Kindle thing from Amazon is WAY cool. But really (and yes, perhaps it is the teacher in me) there is nothing like curling up with a book and getting lost in another world. Plus, you can't make margin notes on a computer screen or throw it in your purse to read when you are stuck in a carpool line or in the doctor's office waiting room.

Some might say I don't like change (Hannah???)...and that may very well be true. But some things are worth keeping around and relishing.So...chime in here folks...what else will never go out of style?

TV Is Good For You!

I love television and it is always on at my house. My children have been raised with it as background noise and I rarely limit their screen time. Are you shocked? No, not if you have ever been in my house. TV keeps me company, teaches me things and keeps me informed.TV is wonderful....here's some of my favorites in no particular order and why I love them:

1. General Hospital...You can escape for a time. I can shoot mobsters with Jason Morgan. I can mentally undress Jasper Jax. Anna Devane is my girl-crush. She is beautiful, tough, smart and funny. I love her, and there is nothing wrong with that! Soaps have HISTORY. I can think back to junior high and there are some of the same characters on. Amazing!

2. Jon and Kate Plus 8...they are my true friends. I know everything about them. If Kate ever gets out without any kids we can have a drink and discuss life. Yes, she needs to mellow out a bit....but jeez, she has EIGHT kids. You'd be bitchy too.

3. Deadliest Catch...I love Sig Hansen. There is something about a man who risks his life to bring me shellfish. A denim shirt and scratchy voice does it to me everytime.

4. LOST...Jack or Sawyer? I dunno, depends on my mood. Feeling the need to be with a man who is righteous and in charge? Then go with Jack. Feeling the desire to be with a naughty rebel? Sawyer is your man. And hey....if conversation isn't your cup of tea, then is always Jin. Plus, Kate can kick all of their asses, and THAT is hot!

5. And some shows are no longer...but still in my heart! Like The Waltons...if you could watch an episode and not get teary at least once then clearly you are some type of cyborg. And even though he was short Ben was my favorite brother. Mary Ellen, despite her annoying voice, was awesome. She did not take crap from anyone on that mountain. Little House on the Prairie is in this category too. Pa was so cute! I wanted to BE Laura...although even as a kid I realized that electricity was kind of necessary. So, I wanted to visit Walnut Grove for awhile, not LIVE there forever.

6. Dancing With The Stars...I like this show better than other "voting off" shows because even though they are B or C list celebrities, they are still celebrities. So, if they get dumped they still have something going for them. American Idol makes me so sad because you just know that dreams are being dashed up on that stage!

7. The Mole...LOVE IT! They do such a good job at hiding the Mole. I am always wrong, lol. Actually, I enjoy Celebrity Mole even more for the same reason as above in #6. The season that Dennis Rodman, Kathy Griffin and whichever-Baldwin was on was fab!

8. Dirty Jobs....I'd get dirty with Mike Rowe anytime. Those eyes get me. Plus, he's funny and he can sing.

9. Little People, Big World...That family is amazing. And Matt cracks me up. He has these ideas where you are like, "Yeah, right....a catapault. Whatever." But Amy just nods and moves along and he does it! And the fact that their house is a pit on a constant basis and no one seems to care is hysterical. But with 4 kids....one of whom is a teenage slug, who can judge?

10. Oprah....Love her most days. I don't like when she has celebrities on and she acts like she is so darn awestruck. Hello! You are Oprah-fricking-Winfrey, stop being amazed that you are meeting an actor! I do like the self-help shows or the ones where she makes wishes come true. Makes me cry all the time. And I love it when Nate is on. Such a cutie.

When people say they don't have time for TV or they prefer family time, I laugh in their general direction. Don't judge me! TV is an escape, a hobby....a way to unwind. And we all need to make time for that!

Things I Still Need (or Want, or Would Like) To Do:

1. Dance on a bar, look good doing it, and have strangers throw money at me. (Ok, well, it would need to be a CLEAN bar...and all the strangers need to have all their teeth.)

2. Tell off a cashier who is being bitchy and acting like *I* am wasting her time when *I* am the one spending money.

3. Say no at work.

4. Meet Robert Scorpio (or Mac, I'm not picky at this point...plus, Robert may or may not be dying of a brain tumor...)

5. Stop checking up on my kids when they say that things are in their backpacks ready for school...I know, I'm an enabling Mommy and a teacher who does not practice what she preaches. Sue me, I'm human.

6. Leave the house without making the fricking beds...I used to ALL THE TIME in my younger days. Why can't I anymore?

7. Stop giving money to Channel 11 out of guilt. I have paid my dues....Bozo is dead, the boys are long done with Barney and the Teletubbies and everything else on there is British and boring and angst-ridden.

8. Learn to prune the rose bushes outside my house before someone is brutally maimed by the renegade thorns and branches.

9. Cut the cord on friendships I have outgrown. (If you think this might be you, it might be...)

10. Eat more veggies.

11. Floss at least 3 times a week...or at least more than the day before a cleaning at the dentist.

12. Read some classic book that seems boring...maybe I'll like it. Anyone have any suggestions?

13. Try to spend one day without judging anyone else and see if I feel better about myself. I probably won't because really, what is the fun in that? But I could at least say I tried.

14. Have a day at school where we eat candy, watch a movie and draw pictures all day...but I'd have to swear the kids to secrecy and probably even threaten them. And eventually someone would tell on me...Even being union VP wouldn't save me from being called in on that one.

15. Say what everyone wants to say but is too scared to say to __________. (Can't even put her name...too scary!)

16. Get hit on by a former student who doesn't realize who I am. (Don't be disgusted, my first few classes of students are in their mid to late 20's at this point, there has to be at least one or two that MIGHT go for me, right?? ;-).)

17. Smoke again for JUST A FEW DAYS.

18. Swim with dolphins.

19. Pet an Orca.

20. Punch Ann Coulter.

21. Win the Lotto...doesn't have to be MILLIONS. Just several hundred thousand would do. Pay off the house, buy a new car...put some away for the boys and buy one of everything at Ann Taylor Loft.

22. Learn to make banana bread so I don't have to throw away all those bananas every week.

23. Trip that mean girl who called Ryder fat and ugly.

24. Have enough expedable income to some day take the boys to Disney World.

Not a real "wow" of a list...I have NO desire to bungee jump, climb a mountain or anything else that might cause my untimely death. I also am not patient or hard working enough to write a novel or cure cancer. But it would be exciting, cathartic and in some cases just fun, to do the above.

Things I Love...

One of the first lists I posted on Facebook...

I realize my last notes were kind of bitching about stuff....So here is a happy one. Because of course I am NOTHING if not happy and optimistic ;-). I love....

1. My family, of course. Notwithstanding the fact that some people I grew up with might be a teensy-tiny bit wacko.

2. My children...the bonus being they are still at the age where they love me a lot. I get hugs, kisses goodnight and they want to watch tv in my bed with me at night...even when the Olympics aren't on.

3. My job....I get to laugh everyday and I can go out to recess on nice days.

4. TAB...Yes, they still make it. You just aren't looking hard enough.

5. Reading...I love being in a book club and meeting and talking. I love good books and trashy books (even though sometimes those books make me feel like it has been too long since someone ripped my clothes off with reckless abandon, or something to that effect).

6. Being the "good" daughter.

7. Having some experiences in life that pissed me off or depressed me at the time, but now I realize they taught me much.

8. General Hospital and LOST....Mac Scorpio, Jason Morgan, Jack Shepard and Sawyer....'nuff said.

9. The new Jamoca Oreo ice cream at Baskin Robbins...yum!

10. Ann Taylor Loft.

11. Kathy's Kwando class at Bally's...sweat hard and feel it the next day.

12. My friends....the ones that I think of calling about stuff before I think of calling people I am related to.

13. My Blackberry....seriously, besides fertility treatmentsit was the smartest thing I ever spent my money on. (And there were no homone shots involved.)

14. My house. It is cute and yellow (Tom just repainted the whole exterior and it looks so great!).

15. Pasta.That is a pretty good list, isn't it? It makes me sound like the happy person I think I am. :-)