Things Would Be Different if I Were in Charge...

If I were in charge things would be a lot different. And of course, different doesn't always mean better but in this case, it actually WOULD be better...so there! If I were in charge:

1. Stupid people...put to death. No trial, no second chances. You are dumb, you die. This would end the morons who get to the front of the line at McDonald's and have to READ THE MENU. If you just got off the boat from the Nicobar Archipelago then fine. Otherwise, order your frickin' value meal and move on. This also gets rids of people who say stuff like, "Oh, I don't use email."

2. As long as I am on the topic...If I were in charge there would be no long winded phone messages where at the end the person blurts out their phone number (which is different than the Caller ID) so quickly that you have to listen to the message 3 times to get it down. Send me an email.

3. Families would be able to actually go to a professional sporting event without the cost being like $200. And I don't even mean counting the souvenirs or the food. I would like to be able to buy Bulls or Hawks or Bears tickets and not have to forego groceries for the week. When we do go, I look around the stadium and wonder, "WTF? How do these people all have more money than I do?" I just don't get it. It's a bummer.

4. Comcast would be disbanded and their leaders taken out to a field and shot point blank (see #1). The cable would be free, as God intended.

5. Banks and car mechanics would be open on Sunday. 'Nuff said, no explanation needed.

6. Children's sports would not play on holidays. No soccer games on Mother's Day, no baseball on 4th of July and no hockey on Thanksgiving. These things do nothing more than piss off parents who have to split up the family to be in 2 places at once. It also causes the family members without kids or with babies to say things like, "Oh, we will never allow our little Bart to do that!" Yeah right, see me in 10 years.

7. All birds would be kept in cages so they can't swoop down out of nowhere and peck your eyes out.

8. McDonald's would deliver...sometimes you just need fries and a large fountain Diet Coke at 11:00 p.m. when the kids are asleep.

9. The bank next door to me would fix the sewer in their parking lot so that it would not cause a lake to develop every time it rains. At this point in the year it is just a resort area for mosquito larvae. Yuck.

10. Road construction work would only be done between the hours of midnight and 5:00 a.m. Then, it would all get put away so that the lanes that aren't are all torn up could be used during the day when people need them. Do they seriously need to block both right lanes when they are only working on the shoulder??

11. There would be no more ATM fees. Those are dumb and I don't like them.

Obviously, there are more important things I could do if I were in charge...world peace, no more war, no discrimination, cure cancer and so on. But really, all of that is beyond my scope. I'd like to keep things do-able. And get rid of stupid people. And birds. I hate birds.

The Final Answer...

So, the mean baseball empire broke my baby's heart and he did not make the travel team. His poor face when I told him just crumpled.

However, on the bright side for our family...we save hundreds of dollars, we can go on our trip to Disney World in July as planned and I don't have to sit at baseball games 5 or 6 days a week all summer.
And dinner from McDonald's cheered him up pretty quickly. I love that kid...their loss.

Breaking my baby's heart...(maybe)

So, my younger son tried out for "travel" baseball last night. Gossiply speaking, baseball in my very upper middle class 'burb is QUITE political. We don't play that "game", my husband and I and my wonderful son is an average athlete. But there was no dissuading him from trying out. And I DO admire him for going for it, but will that be enough if he gets his heart broken?

Oy, I don't like this part of parenting. It is hard enough to be the "little brother". (To a brother who plays travel soccer and does it very well.) This younger boy of mine (aka "The Ryder") has a heart of gold and makes me laugh everday. All my most quotable quotes are from this boy! ("Wheelchairs can kill you!"; "Rich kids usually wear glasses."; "Jesus died on the potty.") I can't stop him from perhaps being disappointed on Friday when the teams are named...but I don't have to like it, right?

The bright spot being that a new video game will most likely stop any tears (his, not mine)...and of course if he does make a team I will have 15,000 new things to write about.

One Thing That Is Much Harder Than It Looks...

This deserves a Note of its own...And if you have kids who play sports you will quickly see why. If you don't have kids who play sports, then feel free to excuse yourself. But please close the door on your way out, I might get loud here...

It is so EASY to bitch about "those parents". You know, the ones who get nutso-psycho at kid sporting events. We've all seen them, right? The mom or dad who is yelling at their kid, other kids, the ref/ump/offical and who always has a better line up or game plan than the coach. In house league sports this is obviously over the top and we can look down our noses at such behavior and tell that parent to take a Valium, shut up and sit down. With any luck the offensive, out of line parent gets booted and if he/she is on the other team we can spread the word via PTOs and emails that there is a crazed parent on that team. We all chuckle, feel bad for the offender's spouse and kids, ("Can you imagine his poor SON? Oh, that kid must live with constant criticism!"; "I know! I heard he yells at the secretaries at school whenver it is indoor recess too!"). It is so easy, and of course appropriate, to judge such ridiculous behavior, right?

However, throw try-outs, registration/roster fees of a couple thousand dollars, and 8:00 a.m. Saturday games in Bumpkinville into the mix and suddenly you DO have the right to demand a better outcome. Ok, well not really, since we are still talking about kids....but still, when parents are shelling out thousands and rearranging family bat mitzvahs to attend a 5th grade sporting event, things are clearly "not just for fun" anymore. I'm not saying it is right to be the over the top parent once your kid starts playing a "travel" sport; I'm just saying I get how the line gets blurred and suddenly you find yourself playing politics and wishing bad things about the star of the other team who slide tackled your baby.

I do my best to appear like I don't mind...but I do mind. I HATE losing or coming in second. I do not make a habit of it in my personal life and never have. Of course I say all the right things to my students and my sons, "You played your best."; "Once the game is over, it's over, we move on."; or, "You guys just couldn't get a break, sometimes that happens." But really, that sucks! Who wants to lose? Being a good sport? That really means being a good loser...and THAT is a massive oxymoron. If you are so good, then you wouldn't lose! But ah, we have to set good examples for our kids and be supportive. There are plenty of times I want to scream across the field, "Keep running! You look like a slacker!" But I can't do that. Imagine the other parents, "OMG, she's insane!"; "Thank goodness my kids were never in her class!" LOL...

Really, I do want to yell at my kid at times...he's good on a bad day and fabulous on most days. So, if he gives up, it annoys me. And the check I wrote at the start of the season doesn't help either. But I keep my mouth shut and try to only yell encouraging things. My father keeps telling me I get too keyed up at games. My brother played travel hockey his whole life and I don't remember my dad EVER getting pissed off or too keyed up. (My mother of course never went to any games so that point is moot.) My father has conceded that travel sports are different than they were when we were kids. It is a lot more and a lot sooner. Geez, my 5th grader's soccer team practices more than my husband's high school hockey team did in the 1980's, and they won state championships (GBN still sucks though).

Why is it so much so soon now? Is it because as parents we demand it? Then why do we bitch and moan about schlepping to the practices and games? Is it because we really think our kid will go pro? Yeah right...I can just see all the little Jewish North Shore boys taking over the MLB, NBA and MLS in 10 years....Ooh, look out! They might have to start stocking challah and brown mustard at the concessions. Hmmm....maybe it is because our children are a reflection of ourselves? I can not take credit for ANY athletic ability in my kid. But it sure is fun when he scores. ;-)

What is it exactly that leads us to demand this type of activity level in our kids? Do you realize how many parents actually think that having sports practice is a viable excuse for not doing homework? Seriously! Clearly, *I* do not do that...but it is a not so uncommon occurrence in my classroom. I also recently listened to a parent explain that they don't go to church anymore and haven't been in 2 years except for Christmas and Easter because hockey is every Sunday. Really? Now, THOSE are the kind of parents we can raise our eyebrows at. What exactly would youth hockey do if EVERYONE said, "No, we can't play on Sundays. We have church or temple."? The boys I knew in Sunday school played sports and went to religious school...it didn't have to be one or the other back then.

It continues though...because as much as parents complain, they LIKE it. They like being the parent who sacrifices for their kid to get to every game. They like being the parent of the star pitcher or the kid who scores the winning goal. Or, they HOPE to be that parent. And deep down, there is nothing wrong with that...if you can control yourself and maintain a calm, patient and nurturing outward demeanor.

And that can be MUCH harder than it looks. ;-)