Vacation count down...

Next month the family (me, husband and two sons) will be traveling to the land of dreams and wishes...yes, Disney World. I have never been there and I have been researching furiously in my eternal quest to maintain CONTROL. We will be driving (too expensive to fly). I think that will be fine once the drugs kick in...for the kids of course ;-).

So, here is my quandary. I have to plan some things, but not over plan, right? I mean someone has to know what is going on and that someone is ME. The children didn't sign up for that and the husband isn't a "small detail" type (which is why we compliment each other so well, btw).

Things I have looked up online about Disney already:

1. Internet access (of course!)...bring a cable and pay $9.95/24 hours and you are online (phew!!)

2. doing laundry there...yep, you can! $2 per load to wash and $2 to dry if you use their machines. You can also send it out for same day service but that is supposedly expensive.

3. dinner reservations for 3 of our 5 nights...I picked BBQ, Italian and a steak place.

4. stuff to do at Epcot, Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom...there is too much so this is where the communication breakdown between my planning and the other 3's desires will occur.

5. Typhoon Lagoon...some massive water park there that older son wants to go to. Don't know when we will fit it in!!

6. meals...bought a meal plan for breakfast and lunch. Cost effective and I am nothing if not effective.

7. now I am researching a new backpack to buy...not sure my fab-o purses will serve the same purpose as a good old Jansport backpack (take THAT AdSense!).

I still have to get to AAA to plan our driving route and figure out where we will stop that is a little more than half way. That part seems stressful but I guess my 20 years of AAA membership should start working for me, huh?

Wish me luck...I know more will come to mind and I will be making more lists, researching more and having many more questions. Vacations are just so relaxing ;-).

Things Kids Say...In Honor of the Last Day of School!

Remember the whole "Kids Say The Darndest Things" show? It was funny, right? But admit it...you know some of it was staged. The original Alan Funt one was funnier than the newer Bill Cosby one. The newer one was kind of just another Bill Cosby vehicle once the pudding commercial residuals dried up (or skinned over, so to speak.)

But I teach elementary school...this is the end of my 19th year in the classroom. I have known hundreds and hundreds of children. Some of them were pretty obnoxious, some were oblivious, some were dumb and some were just unintentionally funny. Every teacher says they could write a book. And frankly, most of us could. (How horrified would you be to see yourself in the chapter on "God-Awful Parents"? tee hee) But off the top of my head, here are some of the best things kids have said in my classroom (and in Tom's classroom...he gets credit for the best one, IMHO):

1. I had a boy in my class who was having a rough day. I was calm, I was rational. I was talking with him down on the floor, making perfect sense. He was listening and quiet. I finished my little "other people are allowed to have differing opinions and it doesn't make them morons" speech and he looked at me and said, "You really should do something about your facial hair." Alrighty then...move up my lip wax appointment at Red Door!

2. Discussing tv shows with some girls at recess and I shared that I love General Hospital and one little girl told me that her mom likes soap operas too. Her mom watched "The Bald and The Restless" apparently.

3. I was explaining to a child that he HAD to go to the resource room for his reading assistance. He did not agree. It was a constant struggle with him. He told me he didn't need his IEP anymore. I told him that the adults who care about him would decide that later in the year but for now it was a legally binding agreement (he was one of those kids you could talk to like that, I swear.) He looked at me without skipping a beat and said, "Then when I graduate college and become a lawyer I am coming back here and suing you for everything you got!" Actually, he just might...but his parents did like me so I've got that going for me.

4. This is one example of how you can't trust your kids to keep secrets, remember that. The child hands me a note first thing in the morning and before I even read it she volunteered, "It says I have a doctor's appointment but really we have Sox tickets."

5. This one is from my husband Tom's 4th grade classroom...They were getting ready for standardized testing and discussing how it is important to try but not worry about it and stress out. Hand goes up from a little girl and she asks, "If we don't do well can we still make cheerleading in junior high?" Sweetie, if you have to ask that, you automatically get to be captain...I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

6. Also in the category of "things your kids tell their teachers" was this. One of my students was telling me about the driving trip the family was taking over spring break and then she confides this to me: "I hate driving trips. My parents fight the whole time. My dad doesn't know how to plan a long drive and my mom has a bladder the size of a kernel of corn."

7. One of my students was discussing certain ethnic celebrations from his family's background. They involved food, dancing and as he described, "Lots of my mom's relatives." Another one of my students said, "Oh, in our religion we call that a bar mitzvah." I about peed myself on that one.

8. And this is the BEST. ONE. EVER. It happened in Tom's classroom many years ago...Something came up about religions and a few kids were discussing how everyone was either Christian or Jewish. Tom took it as a teachable moment to explain there are more major religions that those 2...Buddhism, Hindu, Muslim. One boys raised his hand and asked, "What about rednecks?" Swear to God/Allah, Buddha/Jehovah it is true.

And with that, I rest my case. My job rocks...who else get to hear stuff like that everyday???

Bear with me...

One more week of school.

My "To Do" list is massive., but it will all get done...because that is just the kind of person I am.

My older son made the soccer team (phew!) and my younger one (who did not make the baseball team) was so genuinely happy for his brother it made me all gushy. So, I got that going for me.

I gotta go do a bunch o'stuff today. I will be back later. Thanks to all for reading!

Summer...

Ahh, summer...Of course teachers love summer. So do kids and so do all the parents who bitch about it and then send their kids away for 8 weeks of overnight camp ;-). Here are some observations about summer, courtesy of moi (of course).

1. I enjoy going to the pool in my bathing suit. Granted, I don't look amazing, but the things that SOME people wear makes me realize I'm just a normal 41 year old mom trying to enjoy the rays. I'm not huge and I'm not trying to recapture a body I didn't even have in my 20's.

2. Taking a walk in the evening is about the most relaxing thing to do. I grab my freaky dog and walk around town. I usually see people I know and I get to wave and feel all "small towny" when kids yell, "Hi, Ms. K!" out their car windows. That's nice. Of course, if I am carrying a bag of dog crap I have to make sure to wave with the other arm or things get all yucky very quickly.

3. Summer is just long enough for me to play stay-at-home-mom. By the time mid-August rolls around I'm sick of the 4 of us being home together and I look forward to school and having more structure. My favorite is the moms who tell me I am "brave" for staying home with the boys all summer. Huh? They play, we swim, it's fun. What's brave about that?

4. This summer we are planning a trip to Disney World. Wow...I'm guessing I will have a lot to write about after that! 2 days in the car each way. The way I figure it, no matter what happens it will give us stories to tell for years to come...even if they are the kind of stories that aren't funny for about 15 years. By the time they ARE funny we can tell them at the boys' weddings.

5. I love summer evening little league games. We have had good experiences with the people on summer teams and I look forward to it again this summer. Hanging out in the bleachers with some fellow parents, playing on my Blackberry, cheering on the boys and the smell of marijuana wafting over the field from the skateboard park nearby...ahhh, summer!

6.I like to be tan...I know it is isn't good for your skin and blah, blah, blah...but I like it and I think I look nice that way.

7. I don't like mosquitoes. What is their purpose? So, they provide food for other animals...but those other animals eat other, less annoying insects. Mosquitoes serve no purpose and they carry disease! When those mosquito abatement people come can't they just spray a teensy bit more poison to kill ALL the mosquitoes? Pretty please?!

8. I don't water my lawn. Tom and I have owned 2 single family homes over the past 8ish years and we have never once set up a sprinkler to water the lawn (for the boys to play in, yes). Our lawns have always been fine...not the best, but not dead. It is a waste of water and I think it is silly. So there. Sue me.

9. We live on a dead end street that has bunches of kids. In the nice weather they all play out in the street...baseball, riding bikes, capture the flag, water balloon fights. It is like the nicest, hokiest, cheesiest thing ever to look out there and see them all yelling, running and laughing. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I know in about 6 or 7 years they will be drag racing down the block and sneaking through the bushes into the bakery parking lot to smoke but for now, it's all good.

10. How great is it in the summer to run out the screen door, jump in the car (no boots, no coat, no scarves in the way) and drive somewhere with the windows down? It is just so easy compared to going anywhere in the winter in Chicago! Makes you appreciate summer all that much more.

What is your favorite thing about summer? Or, do you have a summer confession (like my lawn neglect)? Please share!

Only a few more full school days left until summer...if only I could turn the heat off in my house...

The media should be flogged....

The way they went all kaflooey and psycho about Swine...er, excuse me H1N1 Flu!! Absolutely INSANE!!

Here is the fall out that has personally affected yours truly due to this unnecessary hysteria:

1. Every time some kid sneezes or coughs or whines in school now they pretty much get sent home. At the end of the school year when I am trying to finish things up, assess for end of the year exits and maybe, just MAYBE have a fun bonding moment with the best class I've had in over a decade I never have a full fricking class!! SUCKS!

2. Parents went insane about cleanliness, which cracks me up all the time. Do they REALLY think their kids wash their hands multiple times a day at school? Ri-goddamn-diculous! Of course they do not! And if I took the whole class 2 or 3 times a day to the washroom to wash their hands do you know how much instructional time I'd lose? Plus, too much cleanliness reduces my body's chances to build immunity.

3. The administration came to realize that having Clorox wipes and other antibacterial products in the classroom to keep clean is apparently ILLEGAL. Huh? And WTF? Yep, you read that right, ILLEGAL as in not legal, as in against the law. They are toxic and not "green". As my son said, "What do they think? We are gonna suck on the wipes?" So...we had to get rid of all the wipes etc...that we have kids bring every fall to offset the fact that most classrooms don't have hot water (don't ask) and our paper towels are the product of "low bid" and don't actually absorb. (When there is a big spill I use Kleenex.)

So, no wipes....I have quite a stash in my car...anyone interested?

4. Any kid who goes home from school with flu-like symptoms has to stay home for 7 full days. That is a horrid waste of time, and I mean everyone's time. My niece is home on day 5 now and my sister is ready to kill someone. I don't blame her.

5. Did I mention I no longer have Clorox wipes in my room to clean up marker marks, spilled aquarium fish poop water or anything else?? I find this more offensive than "toxic".

That is all off the top of my head...I am sick of hearing this hysteria. It is over, the media overreacted and caused complete chaos. I love Mexico, been there several times. It is lovely...but let's face it, the medical care ain't the best in some places. They reacted poorly to the beginnings of this flu. And I am paying the price.

I hate it when world events screw with my daily life.