I get stuck on the "trendy" phrase bandwagon sometimes. I am not proud of it, because I'd like to think that I am fairly original and have a novel approach to words. But alas, I find myself saying crap and I can't stop! And then at times I find myself saying things I wish I didn't have to say...I blame my children for those utterances. You know, like when you hear yourself actually saying, "If your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too??" Here we go:
1. "Seriously?"...I can't stop this one right now. It has the right amount of sarcasm if said with raised eyebrows and it puts the offender in his/her place right quick. If I could raise ONE eyebrow then I'd be the queen of sarcastic snarkiness!
2. "Riiight?"...This is all the rage right now amongst my peers. Sometimes I make a concerted effort to NOT say it and at other times it just pops out. I especially use it in texts. It delivers the right amount of agreement and flabbergastedness (and yes, I just made that one up right now) while only using between 6 and maybe 10 text spaces (depending on how many "i's" I put in).
3. "What did I just say?"...This one is for my 6th grader who apparently has decided he only needs to adhere to directives with which he agrees. I say this to clarify my position...so far it is working but I know my time is limited.
4. "Look at the board."...I have to say this at least 50 times a day in school. I write everything on the white board but some students just can't remember to turn their heads and look. At least I am getting paid to repeat myself in this instance. ;-)
5. "Are you kidding me?"...This one is in the same ballpark as, "Seriously" but is usually said with some remorse, disappointment or frustration. For example...you just finagled a babysitter who can drive and stay late into the night so that you can attend a party you really want to go to. It took like 8 phone calls...then someone calls and says the party is being moved to the night that the high school has homecoming/turnabout/prom, so now you will NEVER get a sitter.
6. "I don't blame you for feeling that way"...This is usually said to various family members. Usually, I don't understand why they feel that way, I do want to blame them and I'm annoyed. But, after years of actually saying what I do think I realized that in the vein of self-preservation, I need to just shut up and validate.
7. "Can someone get that?"...Is there a real reason why no one else is capable of answering the telephone except me? I'm just asking...
8. "I don't know where your hat/shoe/phone/iPod is"...I guess I should be flattered that my kids think I know where everything they have ever touched is hiding in the house. But I don't. And usually they ask me when I am out the door, on the treadmill or extremely busy playing Bejeweled.
9. "Turn off your phone"...I know this seems odd coming from me, my Blackberry is permanently attached to me. But at least I put it on vibrate! My son's constant incoming texts can really piss a person off, especially since his text tone is a man's voice saying, "Excuse me Boss, but you have a text message!"...I can hear it in my sleep sometimes.
10. "Excuse me?"...I love saying this one to stupid people because then they are forced to repeat their stupidity. I don't like stupid people.
Or Comcast.
Or birds.
You know I couldn't get through a note without mentioning one or both of those, right?
Riiiiiiiiight!!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I Choose Happiness But Am Still Annoyed By:
1. People who forward stuff that CLEARLY is not true. I mean c'mon. How can you be a college or high school graduate and honestly believe that if you forward something to 20 people Bill Gates will give you $1000? Ridiculous.
2. On that same note...I know who my friends are and I love them (although not all equally and at the same time...). I do not need a thousand email forwards telling me I am a strong woman and someone loves me. Oh, but wait! An angel or a heart made up of parentheses, asterisks and colons is very special.
3. Every pink thing for breast cancer. I know I am going out on a limb here...and I am not belittling anyone's fight against disease. But when eveything you pick up has a pink ribbon on it, it kind of diminishes the message. The official soup of the fight against breast cancer? The official NASCAR driver in the fight against breast cancer? The official battery of the fight against breast cancer?
4. People who still can't use caller ID. If my mother cuts me off one more fricking time with, "Hold on, the other line is ringing," and then comes back with, "It was just my lady at Neiman's reminding me my hose are in," I am not responsible for my actions.
5. The guy at Starbuck's who still can't reload my card efficiently. He has been there since the summer. I can not possibly be the only person who comes in and asks for that to be done. It is getting so bad there I welcome being helped by the older woman who USED to be the inefficient one.
6. People who think my job is just one big recess-y picnic followed by June, July and August. I LOVE my career (which is different than a JOB, btw). But I work hard, in fact MUCH harder than I worked 10 or 15 years ago. It is a whole different world now...better in most ways. It ain't easy though.
7. The Gosselins. I am so over them..they are dysfunctional and sick. Their poor, poor kids are the Lohans and Hiltons of the future.
8. When I get to the bottom of my venti coffee (yes, I know I should have put this up with my other Starbucks issue, but I just thought of it...roll with it) and there are coffee grounds there! Yuck and ewwww!!
9. My neighbor with his perfect lawn and gardening. He owns his own business, he works a lot...how does he have the time?? Everytime I am out there trying to trim the rose bushes (which I make up as I go along, there is no "plan") I feel inadequate and inferior. And I am annoyed by that!
10. People who are late all the time. Plan ahead. It is rude.
11. The fact that the mouse in the basement keeps taking the bait out of the traps. Although, it could be one of the kids...Hmmmm...
12. All of the stupid ailments that have befallen me since I turned 40ish. I am in better shape and happier than I was when I was 25, why doesn't my body fully accept that? I am working on a Note on these ailments and syndromes. Just thought I'd throw it out there now though.
13. People who are too busy to call, text or email me back. I'm busy too. You know what happens over time? I stop trying...then you don't get the benefit of my scintillating, warm and fuzzy frienship. So there.
14. The fact that Deadliest Catch is not even on in reruns over the fall/winter. How am I supposed to deal with that? It is very upsetting...I miss Sig. I know he misses me too. He does! Shut up!
15. When I think there is one more piece of pizza left in the fridge and I go to sneak it and find that someone (TOM!) has already eaten it. Drat! Good thing there is candy for the next few weeks...
You don't think less of me for being petty, do you? Well tough...you know what else annoys me? Judgmental people. ;-)
2. On that same note...I know who my friends are and I love them (although not all equally and at the same time...). I do not need a thousand email forwards telling me I am a strong woman and someone loves me. Oh, but wait! An angel or a heart made up of parentheses, asterisks and colons is very special.
3. Every pink thing for breast cancer. I know I am going out on a limb here...and I am not belittling anyone's fight against disease. But when eveything you pick up has a pink ribbon on it, it kind of diminishes the message. The official soup of the fight against breast cancer? The official NASCAR driver in the fight against breast cancer? The official battery of the fight against breast cancer?
4. People who still can't use caller ID. If my mother cuts me off one more fricking time with, "Hold on, the other line is ringing," and then comes back with, "It was just my lady at Neiman's reminding me my hose are in," I am not responsible for my actions.
5. The guy at Starbuck's who still can't reload my card efficiently. He has been there since the summer. I can not possibly be the only person who comes in and asks for that to be done. It is getting so bad there I welcome being helped by the older woman who USED to be the inefficient one.
6. People who think my job is just one big recess-y picnic followed by June, July and August. I LOVE my career (which is different than a JOB, btw). But I work hard, in fact MUCH harder than I worked 10 or 15 years ago. It is a whole different world now...better in most ways. It ain't easy though.
7. The Gosselins. I am so over them..they are dysfunctional and sick. Their poor, poor kids are the Lohans and Hiltons of the future.
8. When I get to the bottom of my venti coffee (yes, I know I should have put this up with my other Starbucks issue, but I just thought of it...roll with it) and there are coffee grounds there! Yuck and ewwww!!
9. My neighbor with his perfect lawn and gardening. He owns his own business, he works a lot...how does he have the time?? Everytime I am out there trying to trim the rose bushes (which I make up as I go along, there is no "plan") I feel inadequate and inferior. And I am annoyed by that!
10. People who are late all the time. Plan ahead. It is rude.
11. The fact that the mouse in the basement keeps taking the bait out of the traps. Although, it could be one of the kids...Hmmmm...
12. All of the stupid ailments that have befallen me since I turned 40ish. I am in better shape and happier than I was when I was 25, why doesn't my body fully accept that? I am working on a Note on these ailments and syndromes. Just thought I'd throw it out there now though.
13. People who are too busy to call, text or email me back. I'm busy too. You know what happens over time? I stop trying...then you don't get the benefit of my scintillating, warm and fuzzy frienship. So there.
14. The fact that Deadliest Catch is not even on in reruns over the fall/winter. How am I supposed to deal with that? It is very upsetting...I miss Sig. I know he misses me too. He does! Shut up!
15. When I think there is one more piece of pizza left in the fridge and I go to sneak it and find that someone (TOM!) has already eaten it. Drat! Good thing there is candy for the next few weeks...
You don't think less of me for being petty, do you? Well tough...you know what else annoys me? Judgmental people. ;-)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Waiting...
I am not a naturally patient person. When something needs to be done, I do it. I don't put it off; I don't saunter through it. I just get 'er done. And yes, occasionally that leads to impulsivity related mistakes....but I can clean those up too. Some things in life you have to wait for though, and I hate that. It sucks to wait for:
1. My coffee at Starbucks when all I order is regular drip. I can go get it myself. And if I did, it wouldn't be too full or too low.
2. The doctor to call back when you have questions about your kid's illness. And then he does call back and you are out to dinner. Of course you explain that the sick kid is home with his very responsible and possibly-more-nurturing father...but still...
3. The light to turn green when you have to get home to pee.
4. Test results from a doctor's office...whether waiting for good or bad news, it sucks. I always find it hard to believe that other people's lives just go on like normal when I am on pins and needles. I guess it isn't all about me, huh?
5. The meeting you have been called into with higher-ups, the boss etc...Even if you might not be in trouble, it is never good to get called in to "the office", right?
6. Friends who are perpetually late. It is a major pet-peeve of mine. I work full time outside the home, I have 2 kids and a dog, and I can get places on time. Everyone should be able to. Plan ahead. It is rude if you assume your time is more important than mine...because it isn't, remember? It is about me (ignore #4 above for now).
7. The shower to warm up in the morning.
8. The moron in front of me at (the) Jewel in the self-check out lane. If you don't know how to do it, then don't go in that lane when it is crowded. The machine is delicate and very picky. You have to show it who is boss and newbies can't do it.
9. Friday, when it is early in the week and you have a ton going on.
10. The weather on the news. Seriously, why isn't it FIRST?? People want to know what tomorrow will be like before they go to bed. And lot of nights I keep the news on to see the weather and then I get distracted and forget to pay attention to it. if it were first, I wouldn't have that problem!
So...chime in. I dislike waiting for your witty input. You don't like waiting for: ________??
1. My coffee at Starbucks when all I order is regular drip. I can go get it myself. And if I did, it wouldn't be too full or too low.
2. The doctor to call back when you have questions about your kid's illness. And then he does call back and you are out to dinner. Of course you explain that the sick kid is home with his very responsible and possibly-more-nurturing father...but still...
3. The light to turn green when you have to get home to pee.
4. Test results from a doctor's office...whether waiting for good or bad news, it sucks. I always find it hard to believe that other people's lives just go on like normal when I am on pins and needles. I guess it isn't all about me, huh?
5. The meeting you have been called into with higher-ups, the boss etc...Even if you might not be in trouble, it is never good to get called in to "the office", right?
6. Friends who are perpetually late. It is a major pet-peeve of mine. I work full time outside the home, I have 2 kids and a dog, and I can get places on time. Everyone should be able to. Plan ahead. It is rude if you assume your time is more important than mine...because it isn't, remember? It is about me (ignore #4 above for now).
7. The shower to warm up in the morning.
8. The moron in front of me at (the) Jewel in the self-check out lane. If you don't know how to do it, then don't go in that lane when it is crowded. The machine is delicate and very picky. You have to show it who is boss and newbies can't do it.
9. Friday, when it is early in the week and you have a ton going on.
10. The weather on the news. Seriously, why isn't it FIRST?? People want to know what tomorrow will be like before they go to bed. And lot of nights I keep the news on to see the weather and then I get distracted and forget to pay attention to it. if it were first, I wouldn't have that problem!
So...chime in. I dislike waiting for your witty input. You don't like waiting for: ________??
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Why??...
1. Why does the new lady at Starbucks remember my order but the one who has been there for 3 years doesn't? (And yes, I know I am obsessing over this...but seriously, it is annoying.)
2. Why do the kids at school listen to me so much better than the two with whom I live?
3. Why does that one patch of stained drywall in the dining room from the roof leak 3 years ago bother me so much? It calls to me each time I walk in there, "Look up here, Amy! In the northwest corner of the room by the closet door! I'm taunting you!!"
4. Why are there always stray socks in my basement?
5. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet when I have repeatedly explained to her that it a very bad habit? Not only is it icky, but it makes her pee in the living room before we get home from work. Is it so hard to walk 30 feet the other way into the kitchen to her water bowl? I mean, what ELSE does she have to do all day while we are gone?
6. On the same topic, why do the squirrels in my year mock my elderly dog? In her heyday she woulda made mincemeat outta them. Just ask the childless mother rabbit that used to live in my yard...
7. Why does McDonald' keep asking me if I want to try the Angus burger every time I come through the drivethru? Don't they read "Eat This, Not That"? That burger is like, worse than 3 Big Macs!
8. Why isn't Halloween in the summer when the days are longer and there is more time to trick or treat? And don't give me any of that "harvest" crap. If we still lived our lives based on farm principles kids would start school in October, end in May and I'd be melting lye for soap every weekend.
9. Why do people circle the parking lot at the health club waiting for a prime parking spot? Walk the extra few yards and count it against your treadmill time, for god's sake.
10. Why do the weather people tell us what the weather was like TODAY on the 10:00 news? Today is over, move on.
11. And for that matter, why isn't the weather the first thing on the news each night. That is all anyone cares about anyway.
12. Why do I hate kid birthday parties so much? I love the summer when no one has parties...such a reprieve! School is barely a couple of months underway and already my bulletin board is covered with printed out Evites, conflicting parties and reminders to buy presents that no one will ever play with. That last complaint is why I am strictly going gift cards from now on...it is the only gift that is worthwhile these days. (And for the record my personal favorites are Starbucks, Target and Ann Taylor Loft...oh wait, that's for me. I guess 9 years olds prefer other crap.)
13. Why can't I find a pair of black leather boots that I like as much as the ones I bought 3 years ago and have worn into the ground? It isn't a hard request...but they just don't exist anymore.
14. Why can't you use Lettuce Entertain You Frequent Diner points on Saturdays? Ok, I get "why"...because they want the cash at high traffic times. But if I am frequent-fricking diner and loyal customer (despite DiPescara taking Tom's favorite dish off the menu) shouldn't I get to use my points when I want to?
15. Why do I get so mad when my kids are sick or hurt? I know, character flaw...I am way more sympathetic to the kids at school. Hmmm, maybe it has something to do with #2.
16. Why do I still believe that fax machines are magic?
17. Why do people put Tabasco sauce on stuff? It is so gross. When I see it I have to pant-blow out of my nose so I don't risk smelling it.
18. Why can't I buy Dell ink anywhere except online? Or, is that untrue and I just take their word for it? Is this a scam?
19. Why do some people like blasts from the past and some people eschew them?
20. Why do I feel that I have to have an even number when I write lists? I blame my friend Brian.
2. Why do the kids at school listen to me so much better than the two with whom I live?
3. Why does that one patch of stained drywall in the dining room from the roof leak 3 years ago bother me so much? It calls to me each time I walk in there, "Look up here, Amy! In the northwest corner of the room by the closet door! I'm taunting you!!"
4. Why are there always stray socks in my basement?
5. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet when I have repeatedly explained to her that it a very bad habit? Not only is it icky, but it makes her pee in the living room before we get home from work. Is it so hard to walk 30 feet the other way into the kitchen to her water bowl? I mean, what ELSE does she have to do all day while we are gone?
6. On the same topic, why do the squirrels in my year mock my elderly dog? In her heyday she woulda made mincemeat outta them. Just ask the childless mother rabbit that used to live in my yard...
7. Why does McDonald' keep asking me if I want to try the Angus burger every time I come through the drivethru? Don't they read "Eat This, Not That"? That burger is like, worse than 3 Big Macs!
8. Why isn't Halloween in the summer when the days are longer and there is more time to trick or treat? And don't give me any of that "harvest" crap. If we still lived our lives based on farm principles kids would start school in October, end in May and I'd be melting lye for soap every weekend.
9. Why do people circle the parking lot at the health club waiting for a prime parking spot? Walk the extra few yards and count it against your treadmill time, for god's sake.
10. Why do the weather people tell us what the weather was like TODAY on the 10:00 news? Today is over, move on.
11. And for that matter, why isn't the weather the first thing on the news each night. That is all anyone cares about anyway.
12. Why do I hate kid birthday parties so much? I love the summer when no one has parties...such a reprieve! School is barely a couple of months underway and already my bulletin board is covered with printed out Evites, conflicting parties and reminders to buy presents that no one will ever play with. That last complaint is why I am strictly going gift cards from now on...it is the only gift that is worthwhile these days. (And for the record my personal favorites are Starbucks, Target and Ann Taylor Loft...oh wait, that's for me. I guess 9 years olds prefer other crap.)
13. Why can't I find a pair of black leather boots that I like as much as the ones I bought 3 years ago and have worn into the ground? It isn't a hard request...but they just don't exist anymore.
14. Why can't you use Lettuce Entertain You Frequent Diner points on Saturdays? Ok, I get "why"...because they want the cash at high traffic times. But if I am frequent-fricking diner and loyal customer (despite DiPescara taking Tom's favorite dish off the menu) shouldn't I get to use my points when I want to?
15. Why do I get so mad when my kids are sick or hurt? I know, character flaw...I am way more sympathetic to the kids at school. Hmmm, maybe it has something to do with #2.
16. Why do I still believe that fax machines are magic?
17. Why do people put Tabasco sauce on stuff? It is so gross. When I see it I have to pant-blow out of my nose so I don't risk smelling it.
18. Why can't I buy Dell ink anywhere except online? Or, is that untrue and I just take their word for it? Is this a scam?
19. Why do some people like blasts from the past and some people eschew them?
20. Why do I feel that I have to have an even number when I write lists? I blame my friend Brian.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Some More Things That Make Me Go Hmmm...
A few things lately, actually....
1. The story on the news about the guy who climbed into the grizzly bear enclosure at a California zoo. The police officer when questioned claimed, "The individual appears to have mental problems." Ya think?? Wow, now that is some in depth police work. That guy should be the new Port Charles police chief. They need someone with a masters degree in the obvious.
2. I love Dancing With the Stars...but is it selfish of me that the two nights a week for 3-4 hours of viewing I find too much of a commitment? I want highlights and recaps...You know, drive-thru DWTS. I'm too busy for this.
3. The guy across the street from me who was leaf blowing the leaves out of his gutters in the wind storm today. Really...he must have been bored.
4. I thought KiddieLand closed like 20 years ago. Apparently I wasn't paying attention.
5. There are still actually people who are not on Facebook. I'm still as confused about this now as I was last year when I wrote about it. My husband is the chief offender. He did join this summer...for about 3 hours. But I tagged him in about 20 pictures and he received 30 friend requests and he freaked out and deleted his account. In many social situations my husband chooses flight over fight. Wuss. (Now let's see how long it takes for someone to tell him I insulted him...)
6. I always assumed I'd be the "cool mom". Now that my older one is in middle school I realize I don't care so much about it. Although I might be on to something because he does choose to hang out here with his friends a lot. I'm just sayin'.
7. Just when the local Starbuck's crew was getting their act together they went on a hiring spree this past week. NOT ONE familiar face behind the counter/bar today. Adding money to my card was very confusing for newbie guy and it took all I had to be nice. Then he forgot to get my coffee and as I stood there waiting he was like, "Did you need something else, ma'am?" Um, yes Einstein...my coffee??!!
8. Paper uses up trees, plastic stays in landfills for 80 million years or something like that...I'm still trying to figure out what to use when they ask. Thoughts? And don't tell me to use the reusable bags because I can't remember to do that. I'm trying to keep 20 4th graders, 2 sons, a husband and a dog on the straight and narrow...that's enough on my mind for now.
9. When the Lean Cuisine boxes say to leave it in the microwave after cooking for 1-2 minutes, do you really have to? Is it just because they think I'm too stupid to not burn myself? Or, is there a real reason?
10. I read an article about the push to get rid of the penny. Did you know it takes more than a penny to make a penny at the Mint? It is fine with me if they banish the penny...but am I the only one who is confused as to how that would work? Would we go cold turkey or would they phase it out? Would goods and services be rounded for final price? I'm assuming everything would be rounded up...fiddlesticks!!
11. The Olympics coming to Chicago...I'm thinking they are coming and will be in our backyard and only wealthy people or those with big business ties will get tickets to anything.
12. The fact that no one has been killed in recent memory at the intersection south of my street. I routinely cross that street on foot and northbound drivers turning east DO NOT EVER STOP for pedestrians. My favorite is when I almost get run over and then I recognize the driver as a parent at school. How entertaining would that be for everyone?
"Did you hear? Ms. K got run over by Bertha's mom!!"
"Yeah, that'll teach her to give a 'C' on a book report!"
Stop laughing....you know it could happen.
So....what has made YOU go, "Hmmmmm" lately?
1. The story on the news about the guy who climbed into the grizzly bear enclosure at a California zoo. The police officer when questioned claimed, "The individual appears to have mental problems." Ya think?? Wow, now that is some in depth police work. That guy should be the new Port Charles police chief. They need someone with a masters degree in the obvious.
2. I love Dancing With the Stars...but is it selfish of me that the two nights a week for 3-4 hours of viewing I find too much of a commitment? I want highlights and recaps...You know, drive-thru DWTS. I'm too busy for this.
3. The guy across the street from me who was leaf blowing the leaves out of his gutters in the wind storm today. Really...he must have been bored.
4. I thought KiddieLand closed like 20 years ago. Apparently I wasn't paying attention.
5. There are still actually people who are not on Facebook. I'm still as confused about this now as I was last year when I wrote about it. My husband is the chief offender. He did join this summer...for about 3 hours. But I tagged him in about 20 pictures and he received 30 friend requests and he freaked out and deleted his account. In many social situations my husband chooses flight over fight. Wuss. (Now let's see how long it takes for someone to tell him I insulted him...)
6. I always assumed I'd be the "cool mom". Now that my older one is in middle school I realize I don't care so much about it. Although I might be on to something because he does choose to hang out here with his friends a lot. I'm just sayin'.
7. Just when the local Starbuck's crew was getting their act together they went on a hiring spree this past week. NOT ONE familiar face behind the counter/bar today. Adding money to my card was very confusing for newbie guy and it took all I had to be nice. Then he forgot to get my coffee and as I stood there waiting he was like, "Did you need something else, ma'am?" Um, yes Einstein...my coffee??!!
8. Paper uses up trees, plastic stays in landfills for 80 million years or something like that...I'm still trying to figure out what to use when they ask. Thoughts? And don't tell me to use the reusable bags because I can't remember to do that. I'm trying to keep 20 4th graders, 2 sons, a husband and a dog on the straight and narrow...that's enough on my mind for now.
9. When the Lean Cuisine boxes say to leave it in the microwave after cooking for 1-2 minutes, do you really have to? Is it just because they think I'm too stupid to not burn myself? Or, is there a real reason?
10. I read an article about the push to get rid of the penny. Did you know it takes more than a penny to make a penny at the Mint? It is fine with me if they banish the penny...but am I the only one who is confused as to how that would work? Would we go cold turkey or would they phase it out? Would goods and services be rounded for final price? I'm assuming everything would be rounded up...fiddlesticks!!
11. The Olympics coming to Chicago...I'm thinking they are coming and will be in our backyard and only wealthy people or those with big business ties will get tickets to anything.
12. The fact that no one has been killed in recent memory at the intersection south of my street. I routinely cross that street on foot and northbound drivers turning east DO NOT EVER STOP for pedestrians. My favorite is when I almost get run over and then I recognize the driver as a parent at school. How entertaining would that be for everyone?
"Did you hear? Ms. K got run over by Bertha's mom!!"
"Yeah, that'll teach her to give a 'C' on a book report!"
Stop laughing....you know it could happen.
So....what has made YOU go, "Hmmmmm" lately?
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