My Non-New Years Resolutions:

Traditionally I do not make New Years resolutions because, well...because I never keep them. I tried the "lose weight", "quit smoking" etc...ones in the past and they never last. I did lose weight AND quit smoking but I did both over a summer a few years back. And if you ever want a fool proof way to quit and you have kids of your own, email me and I'll tell you. Any-hoo....(And who else HATES it when people say that?? I think Mrs. Poole from "The Hogan Family" used to say that all the time.) Here are some things that I resolve to do in 2009. Are they resolutions? Nah, statements maybe...promises perhaps, but NOT resolutions:

1. I will do my best to keep on AT&T to get U-Verse to my neighborhood. As God is my witness, I WILL get Comcast out of my life, if it is the last thing I do on this earth.

2. I will continue to watch as much television as possible. Please reference one of my earliest Notes. TV is GOOD! It is educational, informative, entertaining and necessary to a happy, healthy life. People who "don't watch tv" are either lying, have a superiority complex, or they are just stupid. And I don't like stupid people, or people who work for Comcast....

3. I will continue to frequent Bally's Hi/Low and Kwando classes. I don't care if the place is a bit dirty or they declare bankruptcy AGAIN. If they are open I will be there. Group ex classes there are about as much fun as an adult can have with their clothes on....spandex optional.

4. I will continue to do things with my kids. I never want to be the mom who won't get her hair wet, sits on the bench holding coats or gets all berted out that a little rain will "make you sick". I will go down water slides, ride the rides at Great America (well, not The Eagle...that is insane), wrestle, play kickball, stay up all night playing video games and watching inappropriate movies and have snowball fights with my kids. One can be a good mother without doing these things, but it keeps you young when you PLAY.

5. I will continue to employ a babysitter every Saturday night so Tom and I can go out. Yes, some months money is very tight...but then we just go for a cheap dinner and hang out at Barnes and Noble afterwards. The being together part is what is important. Besides, the boys love it when they have a sitter...unlimited snacks and a late bedtime! And soon, I won't need a sitter! I can bribe them with a fraction of the money to stay alone and not kill each other.

6. I will continue to love my job, despite annoying people around me. I will not let the Debby-Downers in life get to me. I have a job where I get to laugh everyday, I work with friends and people who love what they do and do it well. Kids DO keep you young...sure some of them are annoying and occasionally (like every 4 or 5 years) there is a kid who has no redeeming qualities (it's true, really) but for the most part I love what I do and am thankful for the place where I work.

7. I will continue to eat junk food when needed....which is why #3 above is so important. Some days there is NOTHING like a Whopper with cheese.

8. I will continue to hate Comcast. It might become a way of life for me. But I promise to not let it jade me...it will just simmer under the surface for all my waking days.

9. I will remember to tune out certain family members when they are droning on and on and on and on and on....oops, sorry! I mean I will listen politely when they are discussing issues that do not pertain to me, that I can not relate to or that I really don't give a fig about at all. Instead of making snide retorts I will just put the phone on speaker and continue about my business with an occasional, "Uh huh," or "Wow, really?" It will make life easier than getting all worked up about stuff I really don't care about or that doesn't affect me. Does that sound selfish? Oh well, tough....it is self-preservation.

10. I will not allow people who don't undersand the importance of Facebook to bother me. After all, it is they who are missing out on all the fun, right? So what if my brother is a moron who thinks this is a waste of time because he already, "keeps in touch with everyone who matters"? I mean, actually that is pretty snobby, right?? I didn't know I wanted to keep in touch with half the people on my Friends list until they popped up! The fun is in the surprise of it all!! And if he ever does decide to break down and join FB, the fun of "I told you so" will last for a loooooooong time! ;-)

So really, these aren't resolutions...they are more like assertions or declarations. They are things I intend to do. That way, if I can't do some of them there will be someone else to blame for the failure, right?Because if you haven't figured it out yet.....not much is really my fault. It is all Comcast's fault. Everything. All over the world. I blame them.Ok, over and out and Happy New Year to everyone!!