Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Observations on Being Adopted

So, I was adopted. I've always known it and it was never a big deal in my family. It was all arranged privately before I was even born. My brother and sister are not adopted and my brother is only 7 months younger than I am. We used to like to confuse people with that fact as kids...some people are morons, they'd be like, "Are you twins?" Yeah Brainiac, we are twins born in August and March...sucked for Mom, and you shoulda seen the doctor bill...

Anyway, I have amassed some observations about this fact of my life. Some are good things, some are kind of not so great, and some are just, well, just facts...this doesn't really pertain to many other people so feel free to skip this Note if you are bored. I will continue though :-).

1. Being adopted does shorten some doctor visits. Basically, I have no medical history. I get to just write "Adopted" across the form and be done with it after I have filled in all the insurance stuff. Makes things go quickly...so there's that.

2. At my age (41 for those of you counting) I have come to realize that no biological parent is going to step out of the shadows to meet me. And chances are that even one or both of my bio donors are deceased. I used to be curious (more about this later) but at this point in life I figure I am safe from some crazy woman who wants to claim me. Generally, one mother is enough for most of us, right? And now, if someone DID come to contact me, frankly my first reaction would be, "What organ do you need? Bone marrow? Kidney?" Because really, if someone wanted to find me they would have done so long, long ago.

3. I did used to be curious about my biological "parents". When I was really young I used to pretend that Cher was my mother! I'm not sure why, but I loved her hair and she always wore fun feathery, glittery costumes. I never considered Sonny my dad...but onward. Now, my curiosity is overshadowed by the realization that any bio relation would only seek me out to harvest parts of my body. And really, like I need one more name on my holiday card list? It's out of control as it is.

4. Sometimes I think about how different my life could have been...what if someone else had adopted me? What if no one did? (I know, right? Like who wouldn't want ME?? ;-)) But really, how freaky is that to consider that I could have grown up somewhere totally different, had different siblings, or none at all. Maybe I would have turned out to be some repressed, uptight shiksa...

5. My one remaining fantasy about bio donors finding me would be that some lawyer finds me, I'm the only relation left and I inherit a lovely sum of money. Now that would be cool! An inheritance without any grieving...nice. I'd pay off my car and the credit card bills.And then Tom and I would go to Hawaii, and I'd bring some of my friends too.

6. I did grow up feeling pretty "chosen". Actually, that was probably because my parents bought me a book called "The Chosen Baby" about a mom and dad and the baby they adopt. I thought it was pretty cool. I used to tell my siblings that Mom and Dad CHOSE me but that HAD to take them, lol.

7. All these "open" adoptions these days are freaky, in my opinion. I'm sure some people can make them work. But as a kid I think I would have felt very conflicted. I think I would have always felt that something more was expected of me emotionally with 2 sets of parents...you'd always feel like you were letting someone down.

8. When I was a kid I did worry about screwing up royally and how my parents would react. Would they be sorry they invested so much in me? Would they blame it on bad genes? Thankfully, all the really bad stuff I did I covered up well...

9. I never really got teased about being adopted as a kid...except by one obnoxious jerk in junior high. And I am fairly certain he is in some prison somewhere by this point. One kid (in all sincerity) did also once ask me if my parents found me in a garbage can. (And the answer is no...I was born in an actual hospital.)

10. Occasionally, especially when I was younger people would say I looked like my mom or dad and we would just smile and say, "Thank you!" Tee hee.

11. Sometimes I forget I'm adopted. Even I think that is weird! I'll forget about it and then something comes up and I go, "Oh yeah, I only actually know 2 people in this world that I am blood related to...my sons." Kinda freaky.

12. I did sign up on some adoption finding website a bunch of years ago...nothing ever came of it and I am glad for that now. But who knows? It would serve me right to end up with some new crazy family members at this point in my life...because really, what are the chances of anyone I'm related to being completely sane? I know, nil, right?? Shit...

13. I don't understand adoptees who NEED to find their biological relations if they have lived a good life with family who love them. A family is the people who love you, blood or not. I have never felt that, "I'm not complete, something is missing," feeling that some adoptees talk about. I guess that is good, for me at least. I'm fine with the way things turned out in my life. That's a good thing.

14. Since I have had my own kids I do feel sad for the woman who gave me up (and not just because she missed out on knowing me, lol). I can't imagine giving up a baby. Wow...Glad she did though, it worked out for me. So, I guess "thanks", right?

So, there you have it...my thoughts. You don't have to agree or have an opinion...Just some stuff I wanted to put out there because again, this is really all about me :-).


  1. I'm adopted, too and the one thing I am most curious about (having ended up an "only child") was whether I have siblings out there somewhere...

  2. Sounds to me like you have much to be thankful for in the parents department. I'd bet odds are good that I would have done far better with adoptive parents instead of my biological parents. Long story, and you will never hear about it...

    The only time I've ever sipped a Tab, was when I was very young (8-10). An old woman two doors down from where I grew up offered me one since that was the only thing she had to offer me. I took a sip and will never have another one. Do they still make that drink? I guess they do since you are modeling with one in your pic. Pretty pic at that..

  3. Ummm - something rather ironic in that the ads posting from Google right now are about locating your birth mother...


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